Live and Let Die
by DarkElements10
Summary: James Diamond: 'The Face' of Big Time Rush, good friend, caring person, and the one that's hiding his family life from his friends. Something just doesn't seem right here. NO SLASH!
1. Dread

**Chapter One**

James Diamond was dreading going home to Minnesota.

He sighed and sat back in his seat, pushing it back as far as it could go as he tried to block out his friends' chatter from beside and in front of him. He didn't blame them, going back home to Minnesota after being away in LA for so long was going to be great for them. Being able to see everything that was familiar to them, being able to see all of their friends…

Their families…

James shook his head and tried closing his eyes tightly, trying to get the thought out of his head. Going back home to see his family again…he didn't think that it was going to happen anytime soon. He wanted to see his mom, so badly…

But his father he could do without.

He was relieved when he was finally able to get away from his father and his harsh stares, his cruel jokes, his malicious tone when speaking of him. He couldn't stand it that was one of the reasons that he wanted to be famous so badly. So he could get away from his dad and not have to deal with it anymore. Now here he was, going back to the place that he swore that he would never go to again, when his father was there.

James opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, remembering the way his mother sounded when he finally told her that he was coming home. He put it off for as long as he could, Mrs. Knight had told them that Gustavo and Kelly had given them the next few months off so they could go home three weeks ago, and he only just told his mother that morning. She sounded so excited. James was happy but knew that his mother was going to bring up his father and how happy he was going to be to see him.

_Yeah right._

James had tightened his grip on the phone so hard he could hear cracking sounds of the phone's plastic as he held onto it. He kept the rest of the conversation short and said that he would see her soon before hanging up and following his best friends to board the plane.

"James?"

James looked up to see Kendall, Carlos, and Logan staring at him, obviously having asked them a question a few times before. James blinked and sat up straight, adjusting his seat so that it was upright again. "Sorry," he apologized; taking a few swipes of his fingers though his hair. "What was the question?"

"Aren't you happy to be going home?" Logan asked, his grin never faltering. "You've been really quiet the whole way back."

"I'm just tired." James muttered in reply, faking a yawn to look away from him. "Yeah," he replied falsely. "I'm glad to be going back home."

"_Everybody fasten your seatbelts, we are now beginning our descent. I hope you have a wonderful day stay in Minnesota."_

"Great." James grumbled.

He fastened his seatbelt, leaned back in his seat, closed his eyes, and cursed softly.

* * *

**A/N: So I was looking over **_**Live and Let Live**_** again and I wondered, what would it be like if I made four stories like this, one for each of the boys? So then I started to think about what I could do for each of the guys, and this was the first idea that I had. I hope that you guys will like it as much as the Kendall story. I may not update this as quickly as I had with **_**Live and Let Live**_** but I'll do my best.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	2. Dad

**Chapter Two**

"_So we'll meet up at Kendall's house after we get settled in and everything?_" _Logan suggested, raising his eyebrows in question as he looked towards Kendall, James, and Carlos. Kendall just shrugged, knowing that it was bound to happen, his house was unofficially the 'hang out' house._

_They had just arrived back in their home of St. Paul, Minnesota, and had been dropped off by their cabs at the corner that led to their individual neighborhoods. They didn't live in the same neighborhood, but they were only streets away so they were constantly in and out of each other's houses._

_Carlos had agreed and immediately went racing towards his home, running as fast as he could, screaming at the top of his lungs for his mom and dad as he ran. Logan gave a short wave and started to walk off in the opposite direction that Carlos had gone. Then Kendall, Katie, Mrs. Knight, and James started to walk towards their houses, but when they came to another fork in the road, James wordlessly turned to walk away._

_Kendall had called out after him and when James turned back around he just grinned, somewhat reassuringly, and then turned with his family and walked back home._

_James nodded back and then walked home as slowly as possible._

James sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair, looking up at his house. It looked exactly the same as it did when he left…kinds of small, but comforting. He knew that he should be going into the house, but something was stopping him.

Well, it wasn't something, it was _someone_. James knew that his father was in there waiting for him and he knew exactly what was going to happen as soon as he got inside. His mother would come tearing into the room to smother him with hugs and kisses and his dad would walk over and slap him on the back in some sort of greeting that he thought was friendly, but probably knock James off of his feet.

Then he would _claim_ that it was an accident and practically crush James' arms or hands to death hauling him back up off of the floor.

Yeah, that's what was going to happen.

He just knew it.

"Might as well get this over with," James muttered to himself and shifted his bag up over his shoulder and headed across the grass and up onto the porch. He pulled open the glass storm door and then reached up and lightly knocked on the front door, not sure if they were home or not. James' heart started to thump faster and faster as he waited for the door to open.

'_Calm down James,_' he thought to himself, taking deep, steady breaths, trying to do just that. '_You knew that you were going to go see him again, sooner or later. It just happened __a lot__ sooner than you thought or hoped. But now you can get it over with._'

James didn't get a chance to take another breath before the front door was flung open and he felt arms being wrapped around his chest in a hug so tight all of his breath was knocked out of him. But he couldn't help but smile a little that was definitely his mother, the only one that was able to hug him so tightly. She freaked out whenever he was going to go play hockey, so being away from him for almost a year was going to make her freak out even more.

"Oh my baby," Mrs. Diamond cried as she stepped back and took a good look at her son, tilting her head back a little bit. Brooke Diamond was tall, but her son was still a little bit taller than him. Her husband, Paul, seemed to tower over his son and his wife, making him seem even more intimidating than he already was. "I'm so glad to be able to see you again." She gave him another hug and then looked him up and down as she made a 'tsk' sound with her mouth. "I bet you don't eat over there." She stated, half joking, half being serious. "Because nothing is better than my food."

"You've got that right." James agreed with a grin. "I mean Mama Knight's food is good," he stepped forward and gave his mother a proper hug. "But nothing can beat my mommy's food."

"Right," Brooke laughed shortly and took a step back, looking her son up and down. "What do you want?"

"Nothing." James replied innocently and then gave a half smile. "I'm just glad to be home." Brooke studied him for a moment and then smiled back as well, reaching up and lovingly brushed James' hair out of his face. She beamed. "Come see your father!"

James inwardly let out a groan and obediently followed his mother across the foyer, and into the living room, where his father was sitting in a chair, watching a football game. It seemed to be the only place that you would ever find Paul Diamond, if he wasn't at the gym, continuing to buff up.

"Paul, James is home!" Brooke cried as she walked over to the couch and grabbed the remote and turned off the computer. "Your son is home, come on, honey!" She took a few steps back and James got a good look at his father for the first time in almost a year.

He had gotten bigger, a _lot_ bigger, probably going to the gym for hours on end, twice. His muscles definitely looked bigger and that caused a sudden wave of fear to go rushing through James' body. He flinched slightly and closed his eyes as his father got to his feet and reached a hand out. Soon he was sitting on his butt on the floor and his shoulder feeling like it had gotten knocked out of its socket.

"James, you have to work out more!" Paul declared, laughing loudly. "You really need to bulk up, a hit like that should feel like a pillow."

'_Yeah, a pillow filled with rocks_' James thought to himself bitterly as he rubbed his arm before rolling up the sleeve. He sighed, already seeing that a bruise was forming. James let out a grunt as his left hand was suddenly crushed in his father's grip and he was tugged up off of the floor and into his father's arms.

To anyone that has never seen James' family, that would be really shocking and kind of scary. Seeing a teenage boy that is already so tall easily being knocked down and being pulled back to his feet as if he was nothing. It made you want to question his father's strength.

"It's good to see you again, James!" Paul hugged his son briefly, barely giving him any body contact before stepping back again. James stumbled back a few steps, almost tripping over his bag. His father then looked at the floor, as if noticing the bag for the first time and then raised his eyebrows as he looked into James' eyes. "What?" he practically spat, his happiness doing a quick one-eighty. "You're so famous that you can't pick up your stuff? Is that what LA has taught you? To be a slob?"

James tried not to let his frustration and irritation to show on his face. "I just put it down there, dad, I was going to go pick it up after mom made me-"

"No, you're going to pick it up now!" Paul said sternly, narrowing his eyes at his son. "I didn't raise my son to be a slob, or to talk back to me." He turned and grabbed the remote from the side of the couch. "Now pick it up!" He violently jabbed the remote towards the TV to turn it back on and sank back into the couch.

James let out a breath and turned to get his bag, noticing that his mother, like she always had done, just stood off to the side while the conversation had been going on. Every time the two of them talked, she waited on the sidelines, as if wanting to referee the whole thing, but not actually get into it. James's left shoulder blade and wrist throbbed with pain as he grabbed his bag.

His cell phone started to ring and he quickly grabbed it before his father could say anything about it and flipped it open, bringing it up to his ear. "Hel-"

"Hey, we finished visiting with our parents, are you ready to head over to Kendall's?" Carlos asked as soon as James answered the phone, not giving him a chance to actually greet him. That was Carlos, impatient and hyper as always.

"Yeah," James replied as he turned to look at his father. At that exact moment, Paul looked up from the TV and stared at his son, seeming to glare at him without actually glaring. After a few tense seconds he let out a sigh and turned back to the TV. "Yeah, I'm ready to get out of here."

* * *

**A/N: And now you know a little bit about James' and Paul's relationship with each other. And just like I had done with **_**Live and Let Live**_** the chapters in this story are going to be short or long depending on how I want them to be. I hope you guys liked this. I'll update as soon as I can.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	3. Questions

**Chapter Three**

"Hey guys," James greeted with a wave as he approached the corner that merged their neighborhoods. Kendall and Logan were watching as Carlos walked around them in a circle, chattering non-stop. "Uh, what's he doing?" he asked as he stopped next to Logan and started to watch him as well.

"Oh, he's just rattling off his ideas of what we can do while we're at home." Logan replied with a short laugh and rolled his eyes. "I don't think he's noticed that we've stopped listening about two minutes ago."

"Oh." James nodded shortly.

"So how was seeing your parents again?" Logan asked as he turned from their shortest friend and looked up at his tallest friend, a patient smile on his face.

"Oh you know same ol', same ol'." James replied with a shrug to further show that there was really nothing going on. "Unfortunately I didn't get to eat any of my mom's home cooking, so we're going somewhere to eat to make up for it." He added as he narrowed his eyes a little towards Kendall and Carlos. "I'm thinking the pizza parlor."

"Sounds good to me." Carlos agreed with a bright smile.

"Carlos, you just finished eating about ten minutes ago!" Logan stated as he shook his head as the four boys started their short walk into town. "How can you be hungry again?"

"I'm a growing boy," Carlos defended himself as he stuck out his tongue. "What do you expect?"

James grinned as he watched the two of them argue with each other as they walked into town. It never surprised him that Logan and Carlos were the ones that disagreed about the simplest things. They were completely opposites, but all four of them were different from each other, so that's what made them good friends. What one lacked, the others picked up in their own traits.

"So how's your dad?"

James jumped and looked over at Kendall, who was walking beside him, and then forced a smile as Kendall continued to look at him innocently. "He's fine," he replied as brightly as possible. "Mom's good too. As usual she fussed over me," he forced himself to roll his eyes. "Dad was pretty glued to the TV, but he seemed happy to see me."

"Uh-huh." Kendall replied and then looked straight ahead again.

"K-Dawg," James reached out and grabbed onto Kendall's arm, stopping him as Carlos and Logan continued to go ahead, still arguing. "You're not still upset about your dad walking out on you are you?" Kendall's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline, they shot up so high. "I'm only asking because every time I get off the phone with my mom or whenever we're visiting our families, or if we're even talking about them, you always ask how my dad is doing."

"No," Kendall shook his head and watched as a car quickly drove down the street, swerving to avoid small patches of ice as he pulled his beanie further down over his hair. "I'm over that, so my dad walked out on us." He shrugged. "It was his choice, and he's going to have to live with it for the rest of his life." He sounded like he fully believed what he was saying.

And it was possible.

James was the one that was the first of him, Logan, and Carlos to be there when Kendall had shared the news that his father had walked out on him, Katie, and his mother. At first, James was too young to understand what Kendall meant, but he saw a drastic change in his friend. At first, Kendall rarely laughed or had much fun; he spent as much time as he could with his mom and Katie and when he wasn't doing that, he was just taking laps around the hockey rink. James was the one that had helped Kendall first start talking about how he was feeling and he was the one that got him to start being himself again.

So right now, James hoped that Kendall was telling him the truth.

"So then why are you always asking me how my dad is doing?" James asked as he copied Kendall and raised his eyebrows. "If I didn't know any better I would say that you wanted him as a dad."

Kendall laughed. "No way," he shook his head. "For one thing, your dad is so big he scares me. He's, like, a bigger, more muscular version of you and I can hardly tolerate it when you go into your whole 'I need to be pretty' rants." Kendall explained and used air quote around the words as he spoke. "The only reason I'm asking is because you don't talk about him a lot and, if anything, all I want is for you to have a good relationship with your dad and to not take it for granted."

At that moment, James felt that he wanted to tell Kendall everything about his dad, how he always belittled him and how he continued to make him feel like a wimp. He was the one that made James go the gym every day, twice a day, when he was 12 and 13 and only relented when James had told him that he was going to start playing ice hockey. But he still drove James to his limits, over and over again until he was exhausted nearly every day. In return it caused his grades to slip a little and then his father would get mad at him and push him all over again.

It was a cycle that James was willing to break and that was why he wanted to get into stardom, so he could get away from the mean looks and the snide remarks. But that didn't work.

"Yeah," James finally sighed, mentally screaming at himself for not telling Kendall what was going on, but he didn't want his friend to worry. "I get what you mean." He reached out and lightly slapped Kendall on the shoulder. "Thanks dude."

"No problem." Kendall chuckled and shoved James' hand off of his shoulder. "Now let's go catch up to Carlos and Logan before they get to the pizza parlor before us." He shook his head. "I don't want them to get into _another_ fight and kick us out before we can even eat anything."

"Right behind you." James replied and the two started to run to catch up to their friends that were farther ahead of them.

It was James' problem.

He could deal with it on his own.

Right….?

* * *

**A/N: So Kendall is a little suspicious that something is going on. Isn't he such a good friend? Anyway, I've been asked if I was going to put my OCs (Riley, Rhuben, Patrick, Noah, and Sydney) in this story and I don't know if I am or not. The story can be easily written with or without them, so it's really up to you guys. Anyway, would you guys check out our one-shot collection 'Put Your Trust in Me'? It pretty much shows what the show BTR would be like if my characters were in it. Thanks!**

**Next chapter will be longer.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	4. Nightmare

**Chapter Four**

"James, honey, wake up."

James groaned and opened his eyes, looking over at his clock. It was 10:00 in the morning, but to him it felt later. Probably because of the time difference back in LA. He rolled onto his back and jumped a little when he saw his mother standing above him and then relaxed, giving a peaceful smile. He was used to having to wake up to Carlos standing over his bed, waiting with a bright smile (which creeped him out) or to the sounds of Carlos and Logan arguing about something stupid.

"Hi mom," he greeted and yawned again, looking confused. "What did you wake me up for?"

"I made you breakfast," Brooke replied with a warm smile as she reached out and smoothed her son's hair back off of his forehead. "Your favorite, pancakes and bacon." She grinned, knowing that it would make him happy. He had seemed kind of bummed when he had gotten back home after seeing his friends, and she just wanted him to smile again.

"Yum," James smiled as his stomach growled a little. He yawned and closed his eyes again. "I'll be done in about ten, fifteen minutes, or so, I want to take a shower fir-"

"That boy still isn't up yet?" Paul demanded as he strode into the room, his lips set in a tight line. "Get up, boy!" He smacked the side of James' bed, causing him to sit up straight, his eyes wide. "You know the rule, we can't eat until everyone is at the table, and I'm starving!"

James looked over at Paul, but quickly looked away. It didn't matter, the damage was done, he knew that he was never going to be able to get that look out of his head ever again. "Fine," James replied quietly. "I'll be right down." He ran his hands over his face, rubbing his tired eyes, trying as hard as he could to get the image out of his head.

He'd only been back for a day and the nightmare had begun again.

Paul narrowed his eyes at his son. "See to it that you are," he muttered in reply and left the room. James looked over at his mom, but Brooke avoided his gaze, busying herself by straightening some of the clothes that he had thrown around his room as he had unpacked.

"Mom-"

"Be down in five minutes, honey." Brooke stated and turned and left the room.

James sighed and ran his hands over his face. He smiled a little as he thought about what had happened yesterday. They had gone to the pizza parlor and had ordered the same thing they had always gotten when they were home. A fourth of the pizza was Hawaiian, for Carlos, a half was Pepperoni for Kendall and James, and a fourth was Sausage for Logan. They sat there for hours, eating Pizza, laughing, making fun of each other, and planning out what they were going to do every day that they were back home. The best part was, the owner had recognized them as being part of Big Time Rush (they were now local celebrities) and they got the Pizza for free.

Today, they were planning on going back to see the school and then playing a hockey game against their rivals from the country over. When they had left to go to LA, they had just lost a game to them, making it that they're overall score was tied at 3 games each. So they really needed to win another game.

James let out a sigh and got out of bed and went to the bathroom, using the bathroom and splashing water over his face before he went down to the kitchen and sitting at his usual spot at the table, smiling as his mother placed a plate of fluffy pancakes in front of him.

He started to dig in when it started again.

Paul looked down at his pancakes and then up at his wife with disdain.

"Is something wrong, hun?" Brooke asked, noticing his look. James slowly chewed his food as he looked back and forth between his parents.

"Why don't you do something about yourself, Brooke?" Her sweet smile and dimpled cheeks vanished. "Look at you. You're a complete mess."

"What do you mean?" Brooke subconsciously pulled back a loose strand of hair which had fallen toward her face, behind her ear.

"You know exactly what I mean," Paul leaned back in his chair, oblivious to the fact his son was staring at him, eyes wide and mouth agape. Paul had never talked to Brooke like that before; normally he only talked to James that way. But now he realized that a lot of things had changed while he was gone. "You could dress better, sexier, instead of that business woman power suit that you're always wearing."

"But mom's a-"Paul cut James off and continued talking.

"Plus, the food that you make isn't that great," Paul grunted as he continued to eat. "It's so bad that I can barely choke it down, but you're the woman and you're supposed to make the food." He chuckled a little. "So I guess I have to live with it."

"You can't talk to mom like that!" James snapped, angry, his green eyes flashing. "She does a hell of a lot for you and all you can do is sit there and-"

"And you!" Paul rounded on his son. "You just sit there and act like everything is a perfect over there in LALA land!" He pointed a fork at James. "Newsflash, you're not better than us, and anyone that likes your kind of music is crap! They're shit-heads, you're not doing anything with your life that is worthwhile and you'll continue to do nothing worthwhile after your band breaks up and your friends leave you."

"My friends-"

"Will drop you as soon as they realize that you're not worth it!" Paul stood up and looked at his son with disdain. "Instead of all of that singing and prancing around, you should try going to the gym more often, you're starting to look like a stick." He got up, holding onto his plate as he looked at his wife and son, who stared at him, astonished. "Yeah well, you two do whatever. I'm going to watch a game."

Paul left the room.

There was complete silence.

James let out a sigh and slowly started to eat again. He didn't have an appetite anymore and his pancakes seemed to get stuck in his throat in a thick lump, hard to swallow. He couldn't believe that his father had even gone so far to berate his mother like that.

'_When did dad become such a douche?_' James asked himself, staring straight ahead as he thought it over. '_Well, he's always been a douche to me, but I've __never__ seen him act like that towards mom before._' He slowly shook his head, still in shock.

"James….James…..James?"

"What?" James jumped and then looked up at his mother. He expected to see tears welling up in her eyes, or to see that she was on the brink of breaking down, just like he felt, each and every time that he was berated, but saw nothing. If anything, his mother was smiling happily.

"Do you want to come down to the office with me today?" She beamed. "I know that a lot of people are going to be happy to see you, plus, I could use some help."

James thought about it for a second and wanted to say 'no' because he had to go and hang out with his friends and to play hockey, but he also knew that it was a bad idea to say 'no' to his mother. If he did, she would either cross her arms over her chest and stare at him until he reconsidered (he called it 'the look') or she would give a sad face and try to guilt him into it.

Either way, he knew that he couldn't say no to her, so he tried to make a compromise.

"Um, how about I go to the office for an hour or two, 'cause I sort of had plans with Kendall, Logan, and Carlos." James stated slowly.

"James, why don't you at least _try_ spend some time apart from them?" Brooke suggested gently. "I mean, you've been over in LA with them for a year."

"They're my best friends, mom, what do you expect?" James asked, not sure what she meant. "And, we always together when we were still living here."

"That's my point," Brooke stated suddenly looking very tired. She pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath and then held her hands together, as if she was praying, as she turned to her son. "Your father and I never really saw you much when you four boys became friends, because you were always at Kendall's house and we want to be able to see you now."

"Where is this coming from mom?" James asked, becoming frustrated. He set his jaw as Brooke paused for a moment. "Dad has been telling you this hasn't he? I mean, it makes sense, the way he was just talking badly about them just a second ago." He shook his head. "What else did he say?" He shook his head. "I can't believe he even said that you and that you just took it."

"What do you want me to do James?" Brooke demanded. "He's my husband and I'm his _wife_!"

"Well having a _husband _that talks to you like that is crap." James replied. "It's all crap. And when he talks to _me_ like that, your only _son_, you ignore it and pretend it doesn't happen."

"He's just tired."

"Tired of being a useless lump?"

"Don't talk about your father that way."

"But you'll let him talk about _us_ that way?" James got up from his chair and stormed into the living room and stood in front of the TV. Paul glared up at his son as he slowly chewed the piece of pancake that was in his mouth. "What gives you the right to talk to mom like that? Honestly, I don't care if you talk to me like this because I can ignore it," James was lying through his teeth. He couldn't ignore something like that. It made him feel useless and that he couldn't do anything right, and he was starting to believe it. "But don't you dare talk to mom like that."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Paul demanded. James faltered a little bit and Paul immediately picked up on it. "See, that's why you need to stay away from your so-called friends and leave that stupid little gay band. It's just making you weak."

He got up from his seat and before James could move, he hit him on the side of the face, knocking James to the ground.

"Get out of the way next time." Paul muttered and sat back down on the couch. He cleared his throat. "Later, you and me are going to the gym." He stated and then ignored James completely.

James gasped as he held a hand ot his cheek, already feeling his face starting to swell.

Brooke walked over to him and passed him a ice pack. "I'll be in the car in twenty minutes." She stated and left the room.

James continued to lie there in shock.

His dad had just hit him; he had never been hit before.

And his mother did nothing about it.

* * *

**A/N: Alright, so the idea of James helping his mother out at the company as well as not being able to say 'no' to her, was an idea that I had gotten after seeing the promo for Big Time Moms. I hope you guys liked this chapter. But, of course, not the bad things that happened to James and his mom and the bombshell at the end, but I hope you guys still liked it.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	5. Mother and Son

**Chapter Five**

'_Ugh, and I thought that the only thing that could hurt was dad's hitting me_' James thought to himself, forcing a smile as he had his cheek pinched tightly between Mrs. Diamond's secretary's fingers. '_At least that hurt less_'.

It wasn't that he didn't like Ms. Hobbs, she was a really nice and sweet old lady, the kind that would ask you how you were doing and give you that old candy that she had in her purse. James had known her for a long time, since he was almost always at his mother's office when he was younger, being watched by her. And now it was like nothing had changed, and he needed that right now.

"How have you been, James?" Ms. Hobbs asked as she took a step back and pushed her glasses up her nose. "You're even more handsome than the last time that I saw you."

"I try," James replied with a modest smile. He chuckled a little bit. "I'm doing great, LA is a blast, being able to make music as well as hang out with my friends every day is really cool and something that I've always wanted to do."

"Speaking of your band," Ms. Hobbs smiled. "My granddaughter loves you,"

"Oh, that's so ni-"

"Would you mind signing an autograph for her?" Ms. Hobbs continued as she went to her desk and pulled open a drawer, pulling out a Big Time Rush poster. She gave a smile as she held it out towards James. "It would mean so much to her."

"Sure, no problem." James grinned and took the sharpie and quickly scribbled his name onto the poster. "There you go one-"

"And could you sign this for my grandson," she pushed a BTR CD towards him. "And this for my niece," a notebook. "And for my nephew," a CD case. "Oh and could you-"

"Ethel, I think that my son could sign all of those things for you on his way out," Linda stated from where she was standing in the doorway of her office, her arms crossed over her chest. Her face looked completely serious, but there was an amused gleam in her eyes.

"Yes, right," Ms. Hobbs smiled and nodded. "You're right Mrs. Diamond," she turned to James. "I'm sorry for monopolizing your time; they're just such big fans."

"I'm sure a lot of people are," Linda beamed at her son. "But of course I'm his biggest fan." James gave a weak smile back, looking at her oddly. Linda noticed and cleared her throat before looking stern. "Ethel, I need you to screen all of my calls, I'm going to be talking to my son about…the thing."

"Right," Ethel nodded.

Linda took a step back and held her arm out for James to enter her office. James's eyebrows twitched and he slowly walked into the office. He knew that something that he didn't want to hear was going to be told to him. The same thing happened when his favorite Uncle did in a car accident; his mother brought him to the office, to make him work a little bit, and then told him the news in her office.

"Who died?" he questioned as he crossed the room to his mother's desk and sat down in the leather chair, leaning back on it.

Linda looked at her son and walked over to him, lightly grabbing onto his chin and turned his head to the side. "You should have used the foundation that better matches your skin tone," she stood back and crossed her arms over her chest. "405, I've told you that a million times, honey. It works better with your skin tone."

"I'm sorry," James replied bitterly as he blinked and looked at her with raised eyebrows. "I didn't expect to get hit in the face until I was playing hockey, but even then it's harder for me to bruise because I'm at least expecting it and I'm wearing a helmet."

"James," Linda ignored his statement and got right down to business. "Do you remember what you told me your dream was when you were really little?"

"To become a pop-star," James replied with a large smile. "And I think that's working out very well."

Linda smiled and laughed through her nose before shaking her head. "No, honey, you wanted to help me with the cosmetics company." She walked around her desk and sat down on it, sitting right next to her son. "All you ever wanted to do was grow up to do my job and to take over the cosmetics company that I started."

"Yeah," James gave a short laugh, nervous. "But that was when I was, like, five, mom I'm living my dream now." He sat back in his seat in shock. "What do you want from me?" In his pocket he could feel his phone vibrating against his hip loudly, but he ignored it, staring at his mother in shock. "Mom, right now I'm living my dream and-"

"You're not living a dream," Linda shook her head. "You're living a fantasy."

"A _fantasy_?" James' eyes widened. "Are you saying that I don't have talent? I can sing mom, I can dance, and I have a lot of talent." He leapt to his feet and started to pace. His phone started to buzz again; he pulled it out of his pocket, pushed a button, and put it back in his pocket again.

"And your father and I are very proud of you," Linda stated and watched as her son paced, ignoring his snort. "We _are_ James, it's just that we know that eventually the band is going to slow down, or the fans won't care anymore, because boy bands go in and out."

"Yeah," James nodded. "I've thought that over and while Logan is a doctor and Kendall and Carlos are hockey players…" he looked thoughtful. "Or while Carlos is in the hospital for some reckless thing that he's going to do," he added. "I'll go solo and get into acting, anything to-"

"To stay away from home." Linda accused.

James fell silent and shifted his feet as he thought about what to say. She was right, that was the only reason that he wanted to be famous so badly, to stay away from home, to stay away from his dad, to stay away from a life that he didn't like.

"Well...yeah," James shrugged. "But it wasn't to get away from you; it was to get away from dad." He started to get emotional. "You saw him mom, he really didn't put up much of a fight for me to stay home when I first talk to you guys about it."

"That's because we thought that you'd realize how sill of an idea it was and want to come back home and work at the cosmetics company." Linda replied coolly. She sighed loudly. "James, I'm trying to do what's best for us here."

"Then why don't you leave dad?"

"I love him."

"Then you don't love me."

"James, you're my son, I love you to death."

"Then why did you let him hit me?" James demanded an answer. "Why did you let him talk to you like that?"

Linda regarded her son and the two stared at each other for long time. Finally, Linda got up and moved herself into her leather chair, turning so the back of the chair was facing him. "I'm got a lot of work to do," she stated with malice in her tone. "And so do you if you decide to help me today."

"I'm going to go play hockey with my friends," James replied and slowly moved towards the door, as if waiting for her to say something else.

"Fine."

* * *

**A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter too, I really enjoyed writing it. The next chapter will be longer and have more with Logan, Carlos, and Kendall. I hope you guys are excited for it. Alright, next thing to be updated is With Friends Like These III: Here and Now. I'll be updating that tomorrow. All chapters after this one are longer.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	6. Ice Hockey and Lucky Charms

**Chapter Six**

"James…James….James…James…James…James…."

"Carlos, would you please stop?" James asked as he put his hockey stick back on the ice. "You're distracting me." He placed a hand on his hip, resting his hockey stick against his hip as he used his free hand to rip his helmet off of his face, allowing the cool air from the rink to cool it.

"Sorry, I'm just trying to amp you up." Carlos grinned as he skated in a tight circle around James before stealing the puck from him and driving it towards the goal at the opposite end of the empty ice. He took a shot on goal, but Logan quickly moved out a hand and caught the puck. "Darn it Logan, can't you just have bad hand-eye coordination or something?"

"I could," Logan agreed with a grin of his own. "But that still wouldn't help you because I would know how to calculate when to catch it."

"Oh, smart boy's got some jokes huh?" Kendall laughed as he took off his helmet as well, slowly warming up by skating around the ice rink. "Are you going to insult me with math terms now? Or are you just going to bore us to death talking about something that we don't even care about?"

"Hahaha." Logan laughed sarcastically, reaching out and shoving Kendall in the arm as he skated by.

James grinned as he took in a deep breath of the cold air. Being outside with his friends was a welcome change from having to be at his house or at his mother's office. Right now, he would even beg his parents to stay the night at Kendall, Logan, or Carlos' house for the rest of their stay in Minnesota. But he knew that that would make things even tenser than it already is, and he didn't want that.

Plus, nothing was better than being able to goof off with his friends and being able to forget what was bothering him.

"James, why is part of your face tanned?" Kendall asked and before James could stop him, he reached out and moved a glove across his cheek. Carlos and Logan gathered around and all of them looked down at the tan smudge across his glove. Kendall slowly lowered his glove and rested his arms on his hockey stick, a slow, deliberate smile sliding onto his face. "James…" he pursed his lips a little, a gleam in his green eyes. "Is there..._anything_ that you would like to tell us?"

"You know my mom," James replied as he rolled his eyes. "Always testing out her makeup stuff on me," He shook his head. "I keep telling her that I'm a dude, but I think she's still upset that I didn't come out as a Jamie."

"I don't know," Carlos's lips curled into a smirk. "You certainly do act like a Jamie sometimes."

"I do not!" James defended himself, his voice cracking horribly.

"Yes you do," Logan replied, in a high-pitched, mocking tone. "What do you think your obsession with being 'The Face' is?" He mimicked the hand gesture that James always did whenever he explained to people that he was the face of the band.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," James rolled his eyes and tried to change the subject as he turned to Kendall. "Where's Katie? I figured that she would be out here with us."

That was true; Katie was the guys' number one fan when it came to watching them play hockey, and now that they were going to be playing against their rivals for the first time in a long time and he was sure that she wouldn't miss that.

"Oh don't worry," Kendall waved a hand and started to skate in a circle again. "She's going to be here later, she wouldn't miss the chance to cheer us on to victory."

"And I'm guessing she also wouldn't miss the chance to try and make money off of us, right?" Logan guessed with a large grin. "What's she selling this time? Locks of our hair?"

"She better not!" James declared and quickly started to move his hands through his hair. "Damn, I can't tell if she cut anything." He bent down. "Carlos, check please!" Carlos nodded and moved forward and started to look through James' hair.

Kendall paused with a slightly disgusted look on his face as Logan, whose expression mirrored Kendall's, moved forward to whisper to Kendall. "Am I the only one that often thinks that at times we can be too close?" Kendall slowly nodded. "Ok good, I thought it was just me."

"Whatever," James shoved Carlos away from him and back into Kendall and Logan, who barely struggled to keep their balance. "Let's get some practice in before the other team gets here and we kick their asses!" James pulled his helmet down over his face and positioned his hockey stick into his hands and grabbed the puck and maneuvered it across the ice.

James remembered the day that he had first gotten into ice hockey.

He was 12 when he had gone to tryouts with my best guy friend, Kendall, Logan, and Carlos. They had been playing roller hockey together, not really getting into the sport until Kendall's obsession started to take over. When tryouts came around, they spent those days in a haze of uncertainty, wavering between feeling absolutely positive that they would make it and totally certain that they should just give up and quit hockey right then, they were also scared that some of them would make the team and the others wouldn't.

Kendall checked the website constantly, despite the fact that it always said the same thing: roster will be posted Tuesday.

Even so, the guys made a pact that if one of them didn't make the team, even one, they all didn't make the team and they would walk right then and there. The four of them were best friends and that was something that they weren't going to throw away for a silly sport. (Although looking back on it now, it wouldn't have surprised James if Kendall went and played anyway, since Hockey was basically his life.)

That Tuesday could not come fast enough for the four boys. They raced through the school day and then had gone to James' house, practically tearing up the stairs, pounding frantically on the keyboard of his laptop to wake it up. James had entered the website and navigated his way to the roster page, his eyes blurring as I searched for his name…and found it.

Along with Kendall's, Logan's, and Carlos' names.

James' entire body slumped in relief, and he started half laughing, half crying, as Kendall, Logan, and Carlos started to jump around and scream with excitement. They were on the same hockey team together, and they were going to have a blast.

The only bad thing was that as soon as James' father found out, he pushed James as hard as he could, but James learned to deal with it. As long as he was able to hang out with his friends, being pushed by his dad was worth it.

James turned his skates to the side and stopped, and slapshoted the puck in the goal, smiling as it hit the back of the neck with a low thwack. "Trust me on this one guys," he called with a grin, pulling his helmet up so it rested on his forehead. "We're not going to lose."

"Be sure to let them know that," Carlos agreed, adopting James' grin as he turned and pointed a gloved hand off of the ice. James followed his glove and smirked when he saw four boys trudging across the ground to reach the ice rink.

"Trust me," James took a deep breath, allowing his smile to get bigger. "I plan on it." He slapped the helmet down again. "Game on!"

* * *

James sighed in relief as he slid into the cushions of the couch. As usual the couch in the Knight's living room was extremely comfortable, so even if he wanted to he wouldn't have been able to up. Not that he wanted to. His muscles were aching with tiredness and he could barely stand without feeling like he was going to fall over. But it was worth it.

They had won their game 5-4 with a goal in overtime from Logan, and now they were all at the Knights' house, having a sleepover to celebrate it. James was taking the couch of the living room while Logan and Carlos got the floor. Pillows and blankets surrounded the room, to make them all comfortable. At the moment, Carlos, Logan, and James were trying to figure out what movie to watch while Kendall went to get something to eat.

It scared the crap out of the three of them when Kendall came barging back into the room, his eyes set in a glare, his hands on his hips. "WHERE THE HELL ARE MY LUCKY CHARMS?" he asked at the top of his lungs.

"What Lucky Charms?" Carlos asked innocently. But since this was said around a mouthful of marshmallows, accompanied with the sound of Logan trying to move the cereal behind her back, it came out more as "at ucky carms?"

It was a good thing that Kendall was too angry to be perceptive or else he would have seen James slide his bowl of the cereal under the couch. But then again, he, Logan, and Carlos all had deer-in-headlights look on their faces, so they knew that they were caught.

"Don't give me that bullshit," Kendall stated as he started to tap his foot up and down. "I know you have them!" He wasn't angry now just really not amused.

"OH!" James gave a fake laugh as he grabbed the box from behind Logan's back, having already swallowed his mouthful, and held it up. "You mean _these_ lucky charms!"

"Yes!" Kendall replied in exasperation, rolling his eyes. "I mean the ones you stole!"

"Stole is a relative term;" Logan stated in the calmest tone that he could muster, trying to calm his friend down, but trying to piss him off at the same time. "You were going to get them back…"

Kendall was smiling slightly when he responded with, "Minus a few marshmallows, of course?"

The marshmallows were already gone but he didn't need to know that. Carlos gave a loud gasp as he slapped himself on the chest. "How dare you accuse us of such crimes?"

Kendall just sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What are you thinking about?" Logan asked warily.

"Thinking about what book I'm going to take hostage the next time my cereal mysteriously goes missing…"

"NO! NOT MY BABIES! Don't even think about touching them! Get your grubby paws away!" Logan stated dramatically, widening his eyes.

"Then what about this hockey helmet?" Kendall continued to taunt as he grabbed the helmet off of Carlos' head. He laughed as he was tackled to the ground by Carlos. "Can I keep this hostage?"

"NO! NOT MY BABY!"

By this time the four boys were rolling on the ground with hysterical laughter, tears falling down their faces and holding onto their stomachs. When they were slowly started to catch their breath, they would look at each other and start laughing all over again. They only stopped, still snickering and trying to keep quiet, when Katie had stomped into the room and yelled at them for being too loud.

"What are we laughing at anyway?" James asked as he made himself comfortable on the couch.

"You stole my cereal…" Kendall replied.

"Borrowed!" Logan spoke up. "We _borrowed_ you're cereal!"

"No, you pretty much stole…"

Now it was Carlos' turn to defend them. "Well, you got it back…"

"Shut up and watch the movie!" Kendall declared and turned off the lights before grabbing a pillow and flopping down on his stomach. "We're watching Paranormal Activity and you _have_ to watch it Carlos." He declared.

James watched as much as he could, but soon, exhaustion from the game took him over and he fell asleep. He didn't sleep peacefully though, in his dreams, he continued to see his father hit him over and over again and his mom do nothing. But it was kind of different, in his dream he was watching himself get hit and Kendall, Logan, and Carlos were watching it too, sad expressions on their faces, slowly shaking their heads. But they did nothing to stop it. James tried to get their attention, tried to get them to help him, but they didn't move.

James let out a gasp as he was awoken, all of the lights were off and someone was standing above him. He thought it was his dad for a second, until he heard Kendall's voice.

"I was turning off the TV, James! No need to go psycho on me!"

"Sorry Kendall, you know how I get when I'm woken up…"

Kendall laughed at him, James was sure, but all he heard was a muffled, "Go to sleep, goofball!"

"M'kay."

* * *

**A/N: So I wanted to do a friendship chapter for you guys, since I've made the last ones kind of dramatic. I hope that you guys liked it because I love writing friendship chapters between my boys. Hahaha. With this chapter, I went back and did the same thing that I had done in **_**Live and Let Live **_** by doing flashbacks in the middle of the story, but making them blend into the story rather than doing italics. I hope you liked it.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	7. Kicked Out

**Chapter Seven**

Getting up at seven in the morning on a Saturday is a pain in the butt.

James knew that for sure, but the thought was quickly pushed out of his mind when he looked up at Kendall, who gave a wicked smile in reply and held his finger over his lips. James looked at him through narrowed eyes and then grinned when Kendall mimed throwing a pillow at Carlos and Logan. Yeah, he got it all right.

Now completely awake, James grabbed the pillow that he was laying on and threw them at Logan and Carlos, as soon as the pillows left his hands, he flipped over onto his other side, keeping his back towards his friends, smiling when he heard their grunts, letting him know that it was a bulls-eye. James pretended to snore loudly as he heard movement behind him.

"Did _you_ hit me with a pillow?" Logan asked in an irritated tone, yawning a little.

"I was _asleep_," Carlos replied, sounding just as annoyed. "Why would I throw a pillow at you?" Logan must have given him a look, because Carlos sighed loudly. "Ok, I've done it before, but I only fell asleep like two hours ago because of that _stupid_ movie, why in the world do you think I would wake up this early, on a _Saturday_?"

"Good point," Logan replied.

James laughed to himself, silently moving a hand over his mouth, trying not to give away his movement. He wondered if Kendall was having the same problem, since he was hardly able to keep quiet, or still for that matter, when he was paying a prank on someone, so James knew that he was going to give himself away any second. James listened quietly. Yep, just a few seconds more and-

_Whump!_

"Hey!" James sat up in shock as a pillow landed on his head, seconds before a heavy object landed on his side. "Carlos!"

"I _knew_ you weren't asleep!" Logan cried, he was standing beside James, a pillow raised over his head. "Prepare to eat feathers!"

"Don't even _think_ about messing up my hair!" James held his arms over his head, just in time for Carlos and Logan to start smacking him repeatedly with pillow. James shielded himself the best he could, and then grabbed his own pillow and smacked Logan upside the head, knocking him to the floor, as well as getting up, throwing Carlos off the couch. "Geez, why didn't you just attack Kendall?" he asked, motioning to the other couch. "He's the one that hit you with the pillows in the first place."

"Oh we know," Logan replied and gave a wry smile. "We just thought it would be better to gang up on him last."

"What?" Kendall stopped pretending that he was asleep and flopped back over, his green eyes growing wide. "I don't believe this. I let you guys sleep over at _my_ house, then you steal-"

"Borrow." James, Carlos, and Logan interrupted him.

"_Steal_ my Lucky Charms, and now you're going to go and pelt me with pillows?" Kendall wrestled himself out of his man-made bed on the couch and assumed the stance he had last night, hands on his hips and glaring. "I should just kick you out of my house right now."

James started to panic at the thought. He didn't want to go back home, if he did, then he would have to face his mother, and have to deal with her cold stares. She had never had anyone say 'no' to her before and now that James, kinda, had things were just going to get worse. And he definitely didn't want to deal with his dad. Maybe if he begged, Kendall would let him move into the Knight's house…but then all of them would want to know why and James couldn't bear having to tell them the truth.

"But since you jerks are my best friends, I think I'll give you another chance." Kendall continued and then grinned. James laughed along with Carlos and Logan and they sat down on the ground again as Carlos grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. "So what do you guys want to do today? Another game of hockey?"

"No!" Logan replied firmly. "We haven't played in so long that I have to get used to the pain of it again." He let out a slight hiss of pain. "My legs can barely hold my weight when I stand up."

"Well," James thought about it for a second. '_Where can you go that will keep you away from your mom and dad for the day…but you can still have fun_?' Then the idea hit him. "How about we go to the lake?"

It was a unanimous vote after that; they were going to go to the lake for a day of swimming and fishing.

The hour and a half car ride was boring, like it always was, but this time since Logan has his license they were able to do whatever they really wanted to. When they got there though, the lake was just like it always was, it is amazing.

James loved being at the lake at any time, it was always so beautiful, so tranquil.

A quiet haven.

It was an amazing day.

A perfect day, cool, crisp, and clear.

So calm and relieving.

Memories like this stay with you forever.

Perfect forever.

The guys swam in the river for a while, then dried off and went on a hike up the mountain (where Logan and Kendall chased Carlos back down the mountain after he freaked them out with a snake), had lunch, and then decided to go fishing.

James walked along the riverbank, wet stones slipping under my shoes as he went. He sat on a rock and looked outward towards the sun before he pulled out his fishing rod and bait. The worm squirmed in his hands as he quickly and proficiently cut it in two. James then took one part and slipped it on his hook. He pulled back and threw the line into the water. It landed in the water with a plunk and all was quiet. James sat there for a few moments when suddenly his hook dipped. James waited a few more minutes before he pulled on my rod, leaning back. The fish was strong. He pulled even harder, putting his weight on it. It flew into the air. It was huge its fin wiggling in the air and giant eyes dancing around. James watched as it arched through the air and winced when-

_Smack!_

"Gross!"

It landed on Carlos.

James burst out laughing.

* * *

James kicked at a rock in front of him, his breath coming out in a fog as he walked slowly up the street to his house. He had tried as hard as he could to stay with his friends, they had eaten the fish that he caught for a later dinner at the lake, and then drove back to Kendall's house, where they stayed and played a few board games with Katie and Mrs. Knight, then they all went home again.

James, though, walked around his, Logan's and Carlos's neighborhoods before he started to walk back home. He needed time to think, time to figure out what he was going to say to his mom. But as he approached his house, he was shocked to notice that his mother's car wasn't there.

"Whew," James breathed a sigh of relief. "Now I have more time to figure out what to say to her." Smiling to himself, the first time in a long time, James used his key and went into the house.

"Where have you been?" James looked up, startled, to see his dad leaning against the doorway to the living room. As usual, he was dressed in his leather jacket, black t-shirt, tight jeans and boots, a way for him to feel like he was still young, but there was something different about him. As James walked closer, a sudden strong smell reached his nose and he recoiled, holding a hand over his mouth. "You're late."

Paul took a few steps closer, holding onto the walls to keep from falling over. "Your mom called." James waved a hand in front of his mouth, the smell of alcohol still causing his head to spin. It was obvious his dad was drunk, his words were slurred horribly. "What did you do huh? She's staying late at the office."

"I didn't do-"

"Did you make her upset somehow?" Paul interrupted. "It's just like you, to make your mother upset. First you don't visit, then you toss her feelings aside like some sort of…sort of…" he stumbled again and groaned as he held onto his forehead.

"Ok," James wiped his mouth, his throat suddenly going dry. "I'm just going to go my room-"

"Stay right there!" Paul barked, pointing a finger at James, his bloodshot eyes growing wild.

"Dad," James swallowed thickly, backing away a few steps. "You're drunk. Why don't you just go lie down and-"

"I'm fine!" Paul replied and then gave a short laugh. "I'm fine! I'M FINE!" He turned and grabbed a picture off of the wall and threw it at James. "I'm fucking fine!" James ducked out of the way, the picture frame breaking against the front door.

He turned and ran up the stairs at fast as he could, dodging his father's hands as he tried to grab him. He could hear his father's footsteps charging behind him as he went.

"James! Get back here!" James ducked into his room, staying low to the ground, and kicked the door shut. Holding his back against the door, he reached up and locked it with the dead bolt. James let out a cry of fear as there was a sudden blow to the door. "JAMES, OPEN THE DOOR!" James turned and backed away from the door as quickly as he could.

He visibly shook as there was another blow to the door. James held his hands over his ears, whimpering as he heard the sounds of his father trying to get into the room, his rage definitely fueled by the alcohol that was swimming through his bloodstream. It was weird; James had never seen his dad like this before. He was usually the laid-back, leather wearing, very strict father, not the father that would get drunk and try to hurt him.

"JAMES OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR NOW!" Paul screamed.

James looked over at the door, still shaking with fear. There was no way in hell he was going to open that door, and Paul knew it. James would rather do anything than open that door with the state that his father was in; even give away his lucky comb.

The banging at the door grows louder and louder until it can't take any more. The door splinters and falls down on the carpet. James backed up into the corner of the room, trembling, trying to look anywhere but at his father. But of course, he couldn't help it; he looked over at his father and immediately looked away again. He looked bigger than usual, much bigger, and the look of rage on his father's face let him know that he was going to be in a lot of trouble.

"You're trying to mess with my life!" Paul spat. "You're trying to turn your mother, my wife, against me?"Paul moved closer to James and James pressed his back against the wall, knowing that there was nowhere else for him to go, but trying anyway. "Huh?" Paul screamed in his son's face. "You think this is funny?"

Before he knew it, James feel a heavy impact connect with his cheek. His hand immediately flew to his face, his eyes still on his father. Paul had hit him again, and James knew that it was definitely no accident.

"Get out...I want you out!"

"What?" James's eyes flew wide open.

"I said I want you to get the hell out!" Paul grabbed James by the arm and dragged him towards the door. "Get out of my house!"

"But mom-"James tried to keep himself from being pulled out of the house, but his father was dragging him along like the rag doll. He pushed James down the stairs, watching as he tumbled down before going down after him.

"Your mother doesn't want you here, and neither do I!" Paul grabbed him again and dragged him to the front door. "Have a nice life!" James was pushed out the front door and it slammed angrily behind him.

James made two promises to himself right then and there.

He was never going to end up like his father.

And he wasn't going to let his friends find out what happened.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter, after watching Big Time Moms, I had to change Linda's name to Brooke, so I went back to the old chapters and changed it here as well. So now I have their names right, but I'm going to continue to call Mrs. Knight Kacy, because I like the ideas of the 'K' names for their family. Anyway, next chapter has some JamesxLogan friendship, then JamesxCarlos friendship. But I can definitely tell you that the dram and angst hasn't finished. As the story goes on the chapters will get longer.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	8. James and Logan

**Chapter Eight**

James rubbed his face and squinted his eyes as the sun shone directly into his face. He sat up slowly, disoriented, as he looked around. Then it all came rushing back to him and he realized that he was at the park. James sighed and held his hands over his face when he remembered everything that had happened the night before.

_"Get out...I want you out!"_

_"What?" James's eyes flew wide open._

_"I said I want you to get the hell out!" Paul grabbed James by the arm and dragged him towards the door. "Get out of my house!"_

_"But mom-"James tried to keep himself from being pulled out of the house, but his father was dragging him along like the rag doll. He pushed James down the stairs, watching as he tumbled down before going down after him._

_"Your mother doesn't want you here, and neither do I!" Paul grabbed him again and dragged him to the front door. "Have a nice life!" James was pushed out the front door and it slammed angrily behind him._

_James made two promises to himself right then and there._

_He was never going to end up like his father._

_And he wasn't going to let his friends find out what happened._

"There is no way in hell; I'm going to let them find out what happened." James told himself as he gently massaged his lower back; he could feel a knot had formed already. "Kendall already has enough on his plate having to work and take care of Katie and his mom, Carlos is probably so hyper that he wouldn't even notice that anything is wrong anyway." He smiled a little. "Nah, he'd care, he's the sensitive one so he'd really care. Logan, I know that he would probably call the police as soon as he found out what happened, but I don't want that." James shook his head. "No, I don't want that."

James sighed and stood up, brushing dirt off of his clothes. He frowned as he wondered where to go and what to do. He thought about Logan, if it were him, he would probably call the police, but James knew he couldn't do that, it would cause too much trouble and then all of the attention and paparazzi, he couldn't deal with it. So he tried to think of what Logan would do if he didn't have the option to tell the police, then turned and started to walk back home.

He needed to get some clothes and some food and if he was lucky, his dad was at work so he would have no problems at all. James, thankfully, still had his key in his pocket and knew that it was possible that down the line his father would try and change the locks, so he was going to keep it as close to him as possible. James looked around as he got back home and unlocked the house and slipped inside.

"I wonder if mom came home and wondered where I was," James muttered to himself as he went up the stairs and to his room. He grabbed his backpack from under his bed and started to shove clothes, his lucky comb, his wallet, and some Cuda supplies into it, stuffing it as much as he could. Then he went down to the kitchen and started to put some food in his backpack where there was a knock at the door.

James froze.

He didn't know what to do.

But his decision was made for him as the door opened and someone came in, closing it behind him. He knew that it wasn't his mom or dad, as they didn't knock before coming into the house. So it could only be-

"Hey," Logan looked at the backpack that James was carrying and then made a funny face. "Are you planning on running away or something?"

'_Or something_' James thought to himself as he mentally panicked for a second. "Uh, no, I just got grounded by my mom and can't leave." He shrugged. "So while dad is at the gym and while mom is at work, I figured that I would grab some food and sneak it back to my room so I don't starve to death."

"Did they ground you to your room?" Logan asked and then grinned. "What did you do?"

"I said 'no' to my mom, when she asked if I wanted to start taking ballet again." James rattled off the lie quickly. Logan sucked in a breath, looking horrified. "Yeah, I know." He scratched his forehead and then rubbed his back again. "What brings you by?"

"I was bored," Logan replied with a shrug. "And Kendall and Carlos are busy today, so I figured I'd see what you were up to, but that was before I knew that you lost your mind and said 'no' to your mom." James gave a fleeting smile. Logan looked at him oddly. "Are you ok? Is something bothering you?"

"No," James replied quickly. "No, I'm fine." He dropped his backpack to the ground. "Do you want to watch some TV or something?" He looked at his watch and tried to calculate when his dad would be home, Logan definitely had to be gone by then.

"We've just spent probably the last two days sitting on our asses and watching TV," Logan replied as he rolled his eyes. "I think you can entertain yourself without it." He rubbed a hand over his mouth. "How about we play a game or go down to the hockey rink or go hunting or something." He suggested.

"I have a few board games around here somewhere," James mumbled as he picked up his backpack and walked out of the kitchen, tossing it onto a couch as he went into the living room. "I'll be back in a minute" he kicked off his shoes and headed into the hallway.

'_I can't act like anything is wrong, but keeping secrets from Logan, especially since he's so perceptive, is really hard._' James thought to himself, his stomach suddenly starting to twist into knots. He hated lying and it really drove him insane when he had to, that was why it was so easy for him to tell his friends if they needed to fix their hair or something.

"Just relax, and everything will be fine." James opened up the closet and looked around for a game to play. It didn't matter really, with all of the games that he had, there so many pieces missing or mixed up.

James just grabbed a box and dragged it out of the closet and walked back over to the living room, tossing t down onto the coffee table. "I have no idea what game to play, since everything seems to be missing, but we can make up some rules or something."

"James, you can't play a game without rules," Logan stated, immediately going into his 'lecture mode' as James, Kendall, and Carlos called it. "Rules are the basis of making a game fun and-"

"I _could _just use my Cuda products on you." James stated, already starting to get annoyed.

"Game on!" Logan replied, his cheek twitching.

James smiled.

"What're you doing?" Logan's voice sounded borderline uninterested and his question was that of the only mildly curiosity.

James squinted down at the game closest to him, a _Sorry_ board decorated with some _Candy Land_ men, a couple chess pieces, and a tiny figure of Colonel Mustard atop a small stack of playing cards. "I'm not really one hundred percent sure." He finally admits with a shrug.

"I have no idea, either!" Logan stated before looking around at all of the games around him. "I think I'm winning though…" He adds thoughtfully.

"You think?" James tilted his head to the side to get a better view of the _Scrabble_ board that's half way overlapping the _Disney Scene It_.

"Yeah, look." Logan pointed one finger at the _Chutes and Ladders_ game. "See? My little iron is almost to the top."

"Oh…" James scooted across the ripped _Twister_ mat to get a closer look at another board. "I thought it was because Miss Peacock was about to buy Boardwalk."

"Maybe…" Logan trailed off thoughtfully and they both glanced from board to board, muttering to themselves and getting more and more confused. "Well," he stated after a second. "I think that it is safe to say that we don't know what we're doing or what we're talking about."

"Funny thing is that I've forgotten ever since we started to play Sorry, and jumped from game to game." James admitted and then leaned back against the couch he was sitting in front of. "Do you remember how we first became friends?"

"Like how all of us became best friends, or how I became friends with you?" Logan asked.

"How you became friends with me." James replied.

Logan smiled.

Both of them definitely remembered it. James had never liked needles or doctors or hospitals or anything that had ever reminded him of it. So when he was 9 and he had to go in for a check-up, that was when his mom and dad took him for a checkup to the doctor. James was nervous the entire way there, he knew that he was being brought somewhere that he didn't like, but wasn't sure exactly. As soon as he had gotten inside and recognized the medicine smell, he tried to run away, but Brooke had a death grip on his arm.

"Don't take me Mommy," James wailed. "I hate shots; I don't want to be hurt! Help me, Daddy!"

"James, you need to get this check-up, so you can grow big and strong, like me." Paul replied with a warm smile. But that did nothing to calm James down; he just cried and screamed harder.

He was still crying when his mom plopped him down in the play area of the waiting room. He sniffed loudly as he crossed his arms over his legs, bringing his knees up to his chest.

"Are you ok?" James looked up to see a small boy standing over him, holding onto a game boy. "I'm Logan."

"I'm J-James." James managed through his tears. He hastily wiped them away. "I hate doctors."

"But being a doctor is cool," Logan replied as he sat down next to James. "You get to save people's lives." He then puffed up with pride. "Someday, I'm going to be a doctor." His eyes lit up. "Hey, maybe then I can help you, I promise it won't hurt."

"Maybe." James sniffed.

Logan frowned, realizing that he wasn't helping his friend and then held up his game boy. "Do you want to watch me play?"

"What game?"

"Pokémon Blue version." Logan replied and leaned the screen closer so the two of them could see.

They continued to play the game until James was called to go into the doctor's office. After constant begging, Logan was allowed to go into the room and comfort James as he was given his shots. It was the only time that James was able to get a shot without running away, screaming and their friendship started from there and it only got better when they met Kendall and Carlos.

Yeah, he definitely remembered.

"A day like this was just what I needed." James stated as he let out a heavy sigh, and then smiled, reaching over and slapping Logan on the shoulder, ignoring his confused look. "Thanks, Dude."

* * *

**A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter as well. I decided to do the same thing that I did in Live and Let Live and put in flashbacks that merge in with the story, to make it flow better. I loved writing about James' fear of needles, I hope that cover that in a episode. The next chapter has some JamesxCarlos friendship, and then it goes back to the drama and angst that I know that you guys love. I'll update again soon.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	9. James and Carlos

**Chapter Nine**

James sat there, absentmindedly drinking his coca-cola; looking up at the ceiling, and studying the chipping paint. He shifted his gaze to look at the various meal advertisements on the wall.

He looked at the two pretty, thin girls from the corner of his eye, watching as they talked two each other quietly and then threw flirty glances towards James. Normally, he would be all over those two girls, flirting back, but things hadn't been normal lately. James looked down at his phone to check the time, and took another sip of her drink. He looked up when he heard the door open and smiled.

'_Finally_,' James thought to himself as Carlos plopped into the seat across from him and grabbed the menu.

"Hey dude, what's up?" Carlos asked with a grin as he continued to scan the menu. "How are ya today? I'm good, Mami made me a lot of food, but I'm still hungry, of course." He started to rattle off like he usually did. "How about we go to a movie after this?"

James waited for Carlos to run out of air so he could get a word in, but it didn't bother him. He was used to Carlos being extremely hyper. Normally it bugged him, but now it just caused him to momentarily forget the bag that was sitting by his feet on the floor.

'_C'mon James, you can tell Carlos what's going on.' _James gave himself a pep-talk. '_That way he can tell Logan and Kendall, because we all know that Carlos can't keep a secret. And it would be like them finding out without me having to tell them myself. I can get it all out there and get some help, instead of having to feel embarrassed or ashamed._' James took a deep breath and steeled himself to spill it all out on the table. '_C'mon, you can do this._'

"Carlos-"

"Wasn't there something you wanted to tell me?" Carlos asked suddenly as he looked away from his menu, and immediately James chickened out.

'_You can tell him later._'

"I don't think so," he said with the most casual shrug he could muster. He then forced a smile and shook his head "Anyways, if there was, I forgot it."

"'Kay."

One syllable.

It was informal, not at all hostile, but somehow it managed to cut James to the bone. Probably wasn't the word choice, though.

As the waiter came to take Carlos' order, James cursed herself a couple of times over, blaming cowardice, or stupidity, anything as long as it wasn't his fault.

"What are you going to have?" James asked as he looked over his own menu.

"I _think_ I'm going to have the Bacon Cheeseburger with a basket of fries," Carlos replied cheerfully.

"Don't you know how bad that is for you?" James cried, widening his eyes in disbelief. "And not just for your body, but for your hair and skin as well." He scanned the menu, shaking his head. "Why don't you have the spaghetti?"

"Thanks _dad_," Carlos replied, rolling his eyes. "But I don't want the spaghetti, I want the hamburger."

"I really think you should have..."

"Fine!" Carlos threw his arms into the air. "If it will let me east faster, I'll have the spaghetti."

"Don't have it if you don't want it," James replied, with a half smile, knowing that he was getting on Carlos' nerves by keeping him from food.

"But you just said-"Carlos started to protest.

"I don't want to force you." James replied simply. "You can have the burger."

"I don't want the burger anymore," Carlos insisted. "I want the spaghetti."

"I was just..."

"No."

"But you..."

"No."

"If you would just..."

"How many times. I am having the spaghetti and I am not changing my mind."

"No need to yell." James was grinning now.

"Shut up." Carlos replied, smiling as well.

The waiter rolled his eyes as he took their order and left the table, causing James and Carlos to laugh even harder. The two of them did that at a lot of restaurants, wondering how long it took for the staff to get annoyed of them, or to kick them out.

"I love you, bro." James suddenly stated, surprised as it came out of his mouth. He didn't say it much to his friends, but he has done it every now and then. But now, it seemed like a random time for him to bring it up.

Carlos also looked a little confused. "Love you too, bro." He replied and then smiled. "So, movie after this?"

"Yeah," James nodded. "Sure."

* * *

**A/N: And now the next chapter will either just have some KendallxJames friendship, or have a bit of everyone, or just be about James. Or it might have a combination of all three. Either way, I hope that you guys liked the chapter.** **I'll update again soon.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	10. Thoughts

**Chapter Ten**

James sighed and rolled onto his back, looking up at the stars in the sky through the leaves on the tree, the moon illuminating the sky as well. Twigs stuck him in his back, but he didn't brother brushing them away, he was going to have to get used to it, no matter how much he didn't want to.

_Shouldn't I tell them?_

_Maybe it's best if they don't know. _

_But they'll be awfully worried._

James let out a weary sigh. He wondered what his mom was doing. At this time, probably giving his dad his dinner and then eating in silence. He wondered if his mom even knew that James was kicked out, or if his dad had given her some other excuse as to why he was gone. He went a hockey camp? Or maybe he was going to stay a few days with his friends? Or maybe that they had gone camping? Either way, James knew that his father would be able to make sure that his mother didn't know what happened to him.

Maybe it was time to tell Carlos and the others? He knew that Mrs. Knight would help him; she took care of him and the others when they were out in LA. But then again…she already had enough trouble having to look after Kendall and Katie, especially since she didn't have a job of her own, so he wouldn't want to impose.

_Should I tell them?_

_They'll worry, especially Logan._

_They have the right know why. _

"But they wouldn't understand." James whispered to himself. "Their lives are already so great as it is, I don't want to ruin it for them." He turned on his side and pulled his sweatshirt down over his arms, shivering a little bit. "I just have to keep acting like everything is fine."

But everything wasn't fine; Carlos constantly asked about the bag that James was carrying when they went to the movies and it was starting to grind on James' nerves. He wouldn't give it up, no matter how many times James said that it was nothing and that he shouldn't worry about it. Finally, James ended up saying that it was a surprise for him, Logan, and Kendall, and Carlos finally clammed up. But now he had two things to worry about, being found out that he sleeps in the park and having to figure out some sort of a surprise to give them.

"This just keeps getting worse and worse." James mumbled, pulling the hood to his sweatshirt up over his head, blocking out the chilly wind that started to blow. "I should have grabbed my blanket." He brought his legs up to his chest and pulled the bottom of his sweatshirt over them. "Tomorrow's another day, James. You can get through this."

But of course, there was a little nagging voice in the back of his mind asking the opposite.

_What if he couldn't?_

* * *

**A/N: So I made it a angsty James chapter about his thoughts on everything, and like in Live and Let Live with Kendall's condition getting worse (and because I love writing stories like that), James is going to get worse, he's not going to get better anytime soon. I hope you guys liked this chapter.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	11. Breakthrough

**Chapter Eleven**

James shoved his hands into his pockets as he walked around the city. He couldn't sleep and his back needed some rest before he tried to sleep on a park bench or under a tree again. And it was kind of relaxing to be able to be in the city when there was no one around.

It made it feel like the city was his.

James smiled as the little pun went through his mind.

But then it reminded him of why he was out there in the first place. His father was out of control and probably jealous of all of the fame that his son was getting. It made plenty of sense, his father was the popular guy in school and now here he was, years later, trying to relive his glory days by doing body-building competitions, no matter how small he was compared to his competition. It didn't stop him from winning and it didn't stop him from trying to get James in on it as well.

There was one moment that was deeply burned into James' mind. He had gone with his dad to a body-building competition and his dad was talking to a friend of his, and he started to say how he didn't think that James would be able to do a competition like he was. James was standing by his side, listening to every word. His father went on and on saying how he was ashamed of him because he was constantly being told that his son looked like a girl (with his long hair and girly facial features) and that he couldn't barely lift any weight at all.

That caused James to wonder if there was anything wrong with him and even when he went home and told his mother was happened, and she reassured him that he was fine, he noticed that his father continued to make disparaging remarks his way, and it continued.

Now that he thought about it, James realized that that was when his father started to get on his case and make fun of him all of the time.

_What's his problem anyway?_ James gritted his teeth in anger as he continued to walk along. _So what if I'm not exactly like him._

James slowed to a stop when he reached an antique store. It was set up for a sale the next day, some of its merchandise sitting outside. In their city, there wasn't a lot of crime, you could leave your front door open all day and not worry about anyone trying to break in and steal your stuff.

A mirror caught James' eye and he turned to it.

He gazed deeply into the mirror. Every little imperfection his father had ever pointed out screamed at him. Every little flaw revealed itself. A single crystal tear ran down James' cheek.

_Why aren't I good enough? _James furrowed his eyebrows together and watched his reflection do the same.

With a long earsplitting scream, James brought his fist up and smashed it into the mirror. He took a deep breath, looking at the shards still holding onto the frame. He took a moment to glance at his hand. It was covered in blood. He saw little twinkles of glass in the numerous gashes.

But, surprisingly, there was no pain, just numbness.

James then noticed a large piece of the broken mirror on the ground.

He bent down and picked it up, regarding his reflection with faint interest. There was a small spray of blood across his left cheek.

James studied the form of the shard then touched the point to his left index finger and cut the tip. The blood flowed freely down his finger, over his palm, and onto his wrist. He moved the point down his hand and to his wrist.

He pressed the point and watched the blood well up.

James smiled.

He moved the point to the edge of his arm and placed it gently onto the skin and pulled hard. The blood came immediately and ran in a river down his arm.

James grinned.

He made three more deep slashes across his arm.

He could feel his emotional pain melt away as his physical pain was also numbed.

And strangely enough, it felt good.

* * *

**A/N: Alright, so this chapter is right after the last one, I thought that it would be good way for you guys to…want me to update again! Hahaha. Seriously, I had this idea for him for a while, and I wasn't sure what story to put it in so I decided to put it in here. Don't worry; things will get better soon, not completely, but somewhat better. I hope you guys enjoyed it, well; you probably didn't like it much, but still.**

**Chapters after this are going to go back to being longer.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	12. Lieing

**Chapter Twelve**

_It's alright James, this will be easy. Just go up, knock on the door and whoever answers, just tell them that your parents went out of town and ask if it's ok to stay there for a while. Everything will be fine, all of our mom's are friends, so it shouldn't be a problem at all. _James licked his lips and shifted from foot to foot as he gazed at the house in front of him. He brushed his bangs, which hung lump across his forehead due to the lack of Cuda products and frowned, still thinking. _But then again, they'll probably call my mom and dad just to make sure. But you've lied yourself out of situations before, how hard can it be now?_

James took three deep breaths, calming himself down, and then forced himself to shift his backpack up his back and slowly walk up the driveway. If he wanted to turn back, he was giving himself the chance, but he knew that he couldn't stand another night sleeping in the park. His back hurt depending on the way he twisted, he could feel a layer of dirt on his skin, and it was driving him insane that he couldn't use any of his Cuda products.

The only thing that helped keep him from going completely insane was being able to open the bottle and smell the familiar scent of the stuff. James tilted his head back and looked at the sky as he went. It was the same sky that he had stared at for the past few nights, but now it looked different, more inviting.

James felt his skin itch and looked down at the cut that he made on his arm the night before and felt a hint of guilt along with a feeling of a rush that went though this body. He thought back on it.

_A mirror caught James' eye and he turned to it._

_He gazed deeply into the mirror. Every little imperfection his father had ever pointed out screamed at him. Every little flaw revealed itself. A single crystal tear ran down James' cheek._

_Why aren't I good enough?__James furrowed his eyebrows together and watched his reflection do the same._

_With a long earsplitting scream, James brought his fist up and smashed it into the mirror. He took a deep breath, looking at the shards still holding onto the frame. He took a moment to glance at his hand. It was covered in blood. He saw little twinkles of glass in the numerous gashes._

_But, surprisingly, there was no pain, just numbness._

_James then noticed a large piece of the broken mirror on the ground._

_He bent down and picked it up, regarding his reflection with faint interest. There was a small spray of blood across his left cheek._

_James studied the form of the shard then touched the point to his left index finger and cut the tip. The blood flowed freely down his finger, over his palm, and onto his wrist. He moved the point down his hand and to his wrist._

_He pressed the point and watched the blood well up._

_James smiled._

_He moved the point to the edge of his arm and placed it gently onto the skin and pulled hard. The blood came immediately and ran in a river down his arm._

_James grinned._

_He made three more deep slashes across his arm._

_He could feel his emotional pain melt away as his physical pain was also numbed._

_And strangely enough, it felt good._

And it had felt good. James never figured himself to be a person that would end up cutting. In fact, he was the person that had greatly frowned upon it when he had first figured out what cutting was. But as soon as the glass dragged across his skin and he felt everything that he was worried about slide away, as if never happened in the first place, he didn't know what he felt about it anymore. Besides, it wasn't like he was a cutter or anything or that he had some sort of mental problem, he just did it one time and one time was enough.

"James!"

James jumped as he lowered his gaze all the way until he spotted Katie standing in the doorway. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice that he had reached the front door and that Katie had pulled the door open. Now she was grinning at him excitedly.

"Hey Katie," James gave an easy-going smile as he shifted his bag up his shoulder. "I was wondering if-"

"Come on, I have to show you something!" Katie grabbed onto James' hand and dragged him into the house, closing the door behind them before dragging him off to her room. "Seriously, I know that you and the other guys are going to like it."

"Does this have something to do with something that you can sell?" James asked with a chuckle as he allowed himself to get pulled.

"Maybe." James rolled his eyes and waited for her to show him whatever it was that she was so excited about. Katie let go of his arm as soon as she arrived at her room and hurried over to her closet, dragging out a large cardboard box. "Check this out," she dug into the box and pulled out two different objects. "BTR re-usable coffee mugs and sunglasses!" She waved the two around. "The coffee mugs are for the parents and the teenagers that actually like to drink the stuff, and the sunglasses are for _everyone_." She grinned. "I'm going to make a _killing_ off of these."

"You really don't waste time when it comes to making money do you?" James laughed as he dropped his bag to the ground and crossed his arms over his chest as he scanned her room.

"Money is my life," Katie replied seriously. Her smile waned when she saw the cut on James' wrist. "Hey, what happened?" She asked, pointing. James looked at her with confusion and Katie walked over to him, still looking at his arm. "Right here, you cut your-"

"Oh," James pulled his arm back out of her reach and laughed humorlessly. "I was taking my morning run through the park, and I cut myself on a branch. It's nothing really. So have you seen-"

"Hey man," Kendall looked a little confused as he entered the room behind James, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What are you doing here?" He then shot a look towards Katie. "And in my little sister's room?"

"She wanted to show me the sunglasses and coffee mugs that she made." James replied.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "I swear, one day you're going to cut out my kidneys while I'm asleep and sell those online as well."

"I couldn't do that," Katie shook her head, smiling sweetly. "Your spleen maybe, but not your kidneys."

"Whatever," Kendall laughed in reply. "So what brings you by?" Kendall asked James as he walked out of Katie's room and headed towards the kitchen, his bare feet sinking into the carpet as he went. James shot Katie a wave before following his friend down the hallway. "And what's with the bag?"

"Well," James licked his lips nervously. _Time to see if this lie is going to work._ "My mom and Dad…see there's a cousin that died and they had to fly out to…Maine as soon as possible and since I didn't know him well, they told me to stay here in Minnesota." He licked his lips and rubbed his arm. "So I was hoping that it was cool to stay here."

"Why can't you stay at your own house?" Kendall asked, shooting a look over his shoulder as he went to the refrigerator and pulled it open before bending over to look inside. "Not that I don't mind having you here, of course."

"Of course." James replied quickly. "But you know mom, she hates it when anything is out of order at her house, and if I stayed at Carlos' I think that would be too much energy for his mom to handle, also since I'm scared of his dad. And Logan is so uptight he would drive me insane."

"That's true," Kendall mused as he pulled some sandwich bread and a armful of lunch meat and condiments out of the refrigerator. "Plus, my mom should be fine with it, considering she had been looking after us this whole time we've been in LA." He licked some mustard off of his tumb. "Which reminds me, we should be getting back to songwriting and stuff soon, or Gustavo is going to know that we've slacked off this whole time we've been home."

"I was thinking the same thing." James agreed quickly. "So, it's fine that I stay here for a bit?"

"Yeah," Kendall nodded. "But I think my mom is going to call your parents to make sure."

"Batteries to their phones are dead," James replied and searched his pockets for the number that he had written down. "So they said to call at this hotel number once they get their rooms set up." He handed it over to Kendall, who carelessly shoved it into his pocket.

"Can't they stay at a relative's house?"

"See, that's the thing, this uncle wasn't that well known with the family, so he didn't have anyone live with or near him. But when they got the call they knew they had to go."

"I thought you said it was a cousin."

"That's what I meant."

James hoped that what he was saying was believable. But the way that Kendall was staring at him, he really wanted to just burst out and tell the truth. _My mother wants me to stay here, my father has been hitting me, and now he's kicked me out and I don't know how long I'm going to have to sleep in the park._ But he knew that he couldn't do it without a bunch of problems or being so paranoid everything was going to fall out in the open.

"Like I said, mom just has to make sure." Kendall replied and James knew that with that, the whole thing had been dropped. "Now, there's a hockey game coming on, the Capitals vs. Red Wings and you know that I can't miss that."

"But we don't like either team." James commented as he grabbed a stool and sat at the counter. "I mean, we make fun of them all the time."

"That's the point." Kendall replied and the two burst out laughing. Kendall sobered up quickly when he noticed the expression on James' face. "What's eating you? You look like you have something to tell me?"

_Yeah, I definitely do._ James mentally cursed himself as he felt his body move on autopilot so he could shake his head. "Nah, not really."

"You sure?" Kendall pressed.

James knew that Kendall knew that something was up. He wasn't sure how, but Kendall always seemed to know if there was something bothering his buds, it must be because he had to be really perceptive of Katie, since she's the one he looks up to, as well as making sure that no one is messing with his friends and getting away with it. It scared him sometimes, how he was able to do that, but at other times it was a comfort.

Right now, he wasn't so sure what it was.

_Tell him_. His mind screamed at him. _Tell him right now! Here's your chance to get help and to be able to stay safe for as long as you need it. Don't wimp out now, Kendall knows, more or less, what you're going through and you know that Logan and Carlos will help you in any way possible as well. Tell him. TELL HIM!_

"It's nothing important," James finally replied, feeling his heart breaking in two as he choked out the words. "Really, I'll just tell you later."

"If you're sure."

"I am."

* * *

**A/N: You guys probably hate me for making James not tell Kendall, but don't worry, it's gonna happen too. Maybe not in the way you would expect it, but it's going to happen soon. And like I said before, things are going to get worse before the yget better, so yeah.**

**Cheers,**

**Riley**

**PS- I have decided to do stories like this for Logan and Carlos as well. Logan's is going to be called 'Live and Learn' and I'm not sure about Carlos' yet, but I want it to still have the 'Live' aspect to it. I don't even know what problems to give them as well, but I'm sure it'll come to me eventually.  
**


	13. Insomnia

**Chapter Thirteen**

**-James' POV-**

That night I laid on the floor of Kendall's room eyes closed, doing my best to keep my mind as blank as can possible. Unfortunately, like usual, my head is racing with different thoughts and realizations. One being that I knew that I wasn't in my own room (evident from Kendall's snores) and that I also wasn't in the park. I hadn't given my body a chance to relax and get used to one place for a while, so that must be why I was still awake.

Or that I'm still suffering from Jet Lag from that long flight, but having Logan's voice in my head, nagging me about little things that is probably right or wrong, would tell me that that was not possible.

But with all of the time that I was able to stay awake, I had realized one thing that I never noticed until just now. I hate my dad. I hate everything about him. I hate the smile he gets on his face whenever he watches himself in the mirror, marveling over his good looks. I hate the way that he belittles mom all the time, I hate that he's always keeping a secret from her. I don't' know what it is, but I can tell that there's something from that stupid little superior smile on his face. I hate the fact that he doesn't think that I'm worth it. I hate the fact that he seems to just run my life without thinking about what I want.

Thinking about everything with my dad, I didn't realize that I had clenched my hands into fists until I felt the sharp sting of my nails in my palms. It brought me back to reality enough so that I lowered my hands down by my side and started focus on my breathing.

Breathe in and out.

In and out.

Try not to think.

In and out.

_One thing I know for sure_ I thought to myself as I rolled onto my side, fatigue finally falling over me. _I'm going to go home tomorrow. So I know what Dad has told Mom about me not being home._

* * *

**A/N: Before you say anything, this chapter was short because I lost a bit of inspiration for it. But now it's back. Because you guys waited so long for this chapter, I'll update again quicker than I did for this one. I hope you liked it. The next chapter, along with a few of them after it, will have to do with all four boys interacting with each other as well as Kendall, Logan, and Carlos getting more and more suspicious.**

**PS – I decided to put this chapter in 1****st**** person so you can see a chapter directly from James' eyes.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	14. Affair

**Chapter Fourteen**

"Hey, let's go up to the lake again today," Kendall suggested the next morning at breakfast, as chipper as always. He was the only one of the guys that seemed to be able to wake up talking, while James, Logan, and Carlos just grumbled and groaned at anyone that asked them a question.

"Ooh, the lake!" Katie's eyes lit up. "Can I come?" She then started to plead Kendall over and over again before he even got a chance to answer. "Please? I'm so bored here at home and-"

"You didn't give me a chance to answer your question." Kendall reminded her and laughed as he pushed his bowl away from him, wiping his mouth with the side of his arm and burping loudly.

"Ew," Katie jerked back and waved a hand in front of her face. "Cover your mouth bro."

"Thanks mom," Kendall replied shortly. "Yeah, you can come with us; mom could use a day off without us around." He clapped his hands together and smiled over at his little sister. "So go get ready, we're going to leave in twenty minutes."

James had been watching the two of them as he quietly continued to eat his cereal, which had started to get soggy as he spun it in a circle in his bowl. It was kind of weird now seeing Mrs. Knight cooking breakfast for them, but Kendall explained to him that she had put in a long night as a waitress at the restaurant that he wanted her to rest and they decided to just have cereal. As James watched the two of them interact with each other, he felt a little jealous. He always wanted to have a sibling, but since he was an only child, he sort of adopted Logan, Kendall, and Carlos as brothers to him, and Kate his little sister. It was cool and it was fun, but it still wasn't the same.

It hurt more now, especially since he was having so much trouble with his parents at the moment.

"I just need to go and get my trunks from my house," James said and got up from the table, going to put his stuff away.

"Hang out, we can drive over and then go up to the lake." Kendall replied and laughed as Katie turned and hurried out of the room.

"Nah, I'll just walk over really quick," James replied, shaking his head. He could feel Kendall's eyes on his back as he washed out his bowl. "I'll be back in a few minutes," he turned off the water in the sink, trying not to wince as it rolled over the cut on his wrist. He turned around and flashed a smile. "But I don't really remember where I put them, so if I'm not back in ten minutes, just come over to the house and honk loudly."

"If you're sure." Kendall replied, watching as James turned and strode to the front of the house. "I'll call Logan and Carlos then."

"Cool!" James called over his shoulder and left the house, almost at a run. He ran all the way to his house, looking over his shoulder as he went, as if making sure no one was following him. Finally, he reached his house and went inside, through the front door.

He frowned as he looked down and kicked a beer bottle aside. Hearing the sound of soft laughter, he slowly walked through the foyer of the house and into the living room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw his father sitting on the couch, kissing the neck of a blonde woman that was holding onto a coffee mug, taking a sip of it, her eyes solely on Paul.

James' mouth dropped open and then closed firmly with fury. Whoever this woman was, she was definitely not his mother, the woman that his father claimed to love. He continued to glare and the woman turned and gasped sharply when she saw James.

"You told me your son wasn't going to be here." She hissed, pulling Paul's lips from her neck.

_So she knows about me_? James' eyebrows quirked a little bit. _That makes this all __so__ much better. _He looked at the woman for a second and nearly choked. _God, she's like, __my__ age_! He realized.

"He's not supposed to be," Paul replied darkly and untangled himself from the girl, who hurriedly put the mug down and started to gather her stuff. "What are you doing here? I thought I kicked you out."

"I came to find my swim trunks," James replied, matching the same tone that his father was shooting towards him. "But I think I found something a little more interesting now don't you think?" He cried out in pain as Paul hit him on the side of the face, causing James' head to whip to the side and crack against the doorframe.

"Don't you _dare _talk to me like that!" Paul spat, his eyes narrowed with fury. If anyone was looking at the father and son right now, they would look exactly the same. Same build, same facial features, same sign of intense rage.

"How can you do this to mom?" James asked, rubbing away the stars that had exploded in front of his face when he hit the wall. "I thought you loved her?" He then turned to the woman, _girl_ that had grabbed her purse and put it over her shoulder. "Do you know that he's married?"

"Don't talk to her!" Paul grabbed James' arm and spun her around. "Don't you dare talk to her; none of this is your business."

"So it's not my business to catch my father cheating on my mother?" James laughed incredulously, wincing as his father dug his nails into his shoulders. "What kind of a husband are you?" He then fell silent for a second, listening as the back door opened and closed, letting him know that the girl had left. "Does mom know about this?"

"Do you think that I would be stupid enough to let your mother find out that I'm sleeping with someone else?" Paul laughed scornfully and pushed his son aside, walking back into the living room. "I'm not _that_ stupid."

"Stupid is right." James agreed under his breath.

"What did you just say?" Paul got close to James' face, talking quietly.

James hated himself right then. When he was young he was always afraid of his dad whenever he talked quietly and as he grew up, he continued to tell himself that his father wasn't so scary anymore, but that wasn't true at all. His father still scared the crap out of him and he knew that no matter how old he got, he was going to continue being scared.

"Yeah, I didn't think you had anything to say." Paul then backed up a step. "Get your swim trunks and get out, your mom doesn't need to see you here."

"Does she even know I'm gone?" James asked, finally turning and looking at his father. He winced as the welt on the back of his head throbbed. His black-eye had finally started to go away, but now he had another bruise to worry about.

"Do you think I'm _that_ heartless?" Paul snorted as he shook his head. "She thinks that you're staying over at Kendall's for a while because you have some music thing to work on." He muttered something under his breath and scratched the back of his head. "I may be screwing another woman, but I wouldn't tell her that her son ran away or something."

James looked up at his father and studied him. There was something in his voice, and something in his eyes that told him that his father was lying. But he didn't want to question it, in fear of getting hurt again.

"I'm just going to go and get my swim trunks," James muttered under his breath and went up the stairs to his room. He tried to block out everything that he had seen as he tore through his room for his missing swim trunks. _I should tell mom what's going on, maybe she'll listen to me for once and not just blow everything off like she had done before._ _Maybe finally she's be able to-_

HONK! HONK!

"JAMES, LET'S GO!" James could hear Katie scream from outside.

"James, tell them not to scream like that!" Paul roared up the stairs. James reached under his bed and found his swim trunks. He grabbed onto it and hurried out of his room and down the hall to get a beach towel. "James!"

"I'm going, I'm going!" James shouted back irritably and hurried back down the stairs. Paul stopped him by the door and grabbed his arms again.

"I already told you not to talk to me like that you didn't listen," Paul raised a hand above his head and hit James across the face again. "Now get out and don't come back, I've told you that already!" He pulled open the front door and pushed James out, slamming it behind him like he had done a couple of nights ago.

James stumbled, trying to catch his balance, and hurried over to the car and climbed inside. "Sorry, I took so long." He stated, hiding the side of his face with one hand as he rested his elbow on the arm rest.

"Are you ok?" Logan asked, looking at him through the rear-view mirror as he pulled out into the street.

"Yeah I'm good," James replied with a short nod. "I just fell when I was looking around my room for my trunks. I'm fine." Logan nodded and dropped the subject before starting a conversation with Kendall about something that he had seen on TV last night. But Logan continued to look at him in the rear-view mirror and he frowned when he saw the blow on the side of James' face.

He may have said that it was nothing, but Logan knew that hits like that only came from someone hitting you, not from falling.

* * *

**A/N: So, yes guys, this story is a different way of showing how James' parents break up, but the difference is that he's 16 and you know, the cutting and stuff. Next chapter is them at the lake, the story will pick up from there as things won't be all happy and sunshine-rainbows while they're there. Of course things have to go from good to worse and it happens in the next chapter. Thanks for your reviews guys, they help keep me going and keep putting smiles on my face.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	15. Confrontation

**Chapter Fifteen**

When they got to the lake, James climbed out of the car and walked over to the water, looking down at his reflection. It was as bad as he thought; his black eye was starting to come back, his vein in his forehead was throbbing with the headache that he had due to the welt on the back of his head, and his eyes were still wide with fright.

"God!" James grabbed onto his hair before getting plunging his hands into the water and splashing a wave of water over his face. He sat there, breathing heavily for a few seconds, letting the water drip down his face. "Get a hold of yourself, James! You can do this, you can handle this fine."

_But you can't _the voice in his head replied in a condescending tone. _Your dad is cheating on your mom and you're not going tell her because you're too afraid of what's going to happen. You don't want to know how your mom will react. You don't want to know how your dad will react after your mom finds out. And you don't want the press to get to it. Face it, you're stuck._

"Leave me alone," James whispered.

"James?" Startled, James flinched and almost fell into the lake, but quickly regained his balance, only getting his head wet, and backed up, flipping his hair so it moved out of his face, flinging water everywhere. Kendall watched as he sputtered a little bit, before forcing a smile. "Are you trying to drown yourself or something?"

"No, you scared me." James replied, letting out a heavy sigh.

"Sorry." Kendall sounded apologetic, but there was something hidden in his tone and James could tell from the way that he was staring at him, that there was something that he wanted to say. "So when are you going to tell us what's bugging you?" And that was Kendall; always straight-forward and never beat around the bush.

"Wha-"

"I don't want to get everyone else's attention, especially Katie's if it's really personal," Kendall interrupted James' denial. "But I want a straight answer from you." His eyes hardened as he crossed his arms over his chest. "What's going on?"

"Kendall," James took a deep breath. "There's _nothing _going on. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't give me that crap," Kendall raised his voice a little bit as he started to glare at whom he thought was his best friend. But he could never understand why any of them would lie to each other, because they told the truth all the time. And now, James was slowly starting to pull away from them and he could feel it and he wanted to know why.

"I'm not giving you crap!" James raised his voice as well. He looked over towards the car, where Katie, Logan, and Carlos were unpacking. They didn't hear anything that they were saying, so that was a good sign, they were still talking quietly enough.

"Then what are you doing?" Kendall snapped.

"I'm…" James faltered for a second. He knew that he could tell Kendall right there, everything that was going on with him and his family. How he had been living in the park, how he was basically homeless, how his dad was getting meaner than usual (borderline abusive), how his father was cheating on his mother, what to do with the knowledge of his father cheating on his mother, all of it.

It was really stressful and James knew he couldn't tell him.

There were a lot of reasons why, and he could probably list them, but right then and there James didn't have a reason as to why he didn't want to tell Kendall. But he just couldn't. Not like this and not now, when they were supposed to be having a day of fun.

"I don't know what I'm doing," James replied truthfully. "But I'm not denying anything."

"Ugh!" Kendall let out a cry of frustration. "James, you're really starting to piss me off here! What is going on?" James could see that Kendall was really getting upset. "Why can't you tell me?"

"Trust me," James whispered back, shaking his head. "If I could, I would." He took a shaky breath. "Believe me, I really want to tell you, but I just can't."

"Fine," Kendall replied quietly, his eyes trained on James.

"Hey guys," Carlos called over to them. "Are you coming?"

"Yeah," Kendall shouted back, not looking away from James. James squirmed inside under the intense gaze. "Yeah, I'm coming." He slowly turned and walked away from James, looking once over his shoulder as he went.

James sighed and rubbed his arms before grabbing onto his shoulders and digging his nails into his skin…

* * *

**A/N: Sorry this was a short chapter, I've been so busy today, but I needed to update this story for you guys. The next chapter has more of them at the lake. Yes, now Kendall and Logan know that something is up, but Kendall is taking it really hard. Any guesses why? (No, this isn't a slash, so don't think that and there'll be more moments of Kendall and James in the next chapter). Haha. I'll update again soon guys.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	16. Drowning

**Chapter Sixteen**

"Alright, who wants to go water skiing first?" Logan asked as he walked over to Katie, Carlos, and James, who were standing on the shore, holding hands over their faces to shield themselves from the sun. "And by the way," his cheery demeanor dropped into one of annoyance. "You could have helped us with the boat you know."

"Well, you were already doing fine on your own, so we didn't think that we needed to help." Katie replied and smiled sweetly.

Logan looked over at her and then frowned for a second. "You know you're lucky you're a girl _and _Kendall's sister, of I would hit you." He stated and then reached over and cuffed Carlos on the back of the head, causing James and Katie to laugh as he let out a yelp of pain.

_Good, you laughed. _Logan thought to himself as he looked over at James. _You don't have to be so secretive around us, dude. Whatever's wrong, we'll all be glad to help you with whatever it is that's bothering you._

"Whatever man, let's just get in the boat." Kendall interrupted as he walked up to everyone and tossed them a life-jacket. James noticed that Kendall almost heaved the life-jacket into his face, but didn't say anything. Katie, who had also noticed, shot her brother a confused look, which morphed into intense confusion when Kendall just turned and went to the boat.

She hurried to catch up to Logan. "What's up with Kendall and James?" she whispered to him so no one could hear her. She looked down at her feet. "I'm worried about them."

"Trust me," Logan sighed as they reached the boat and helped Katie up. "You're not the only one." Katie looked at him, but he moved past her to get into the driver's seat of the boat. After quickly making sure that everyone was in the boat and after he went over his _extremely _tedious list of rules to make sure that no one got hurt while they were on the boat, he backed up and started to drive it around the lake a little bit before pulling over and throwing the jet-skis out into the water.

James let out a sigh as he held his head in his hands, the roaring of the boat, it was starting to give him a headache and he was usually the one that was the first one out into the water. But now, all he felt like doing was just sitting in the boat and figuring out what to do to make all of this mess with his family to go away.

_It's only a matter of time until mom finds out about dad's affair, I mean; dad can never keep a secret. _James thought as he tilted his head back, sliding his sunglasses down over his face. He sat up as the boat started to move and watched as it moved forward, pulling Carlos up to his feet and around the lake. As he watched, he could feel Kendall's eyes on him and tried not to scream out in frustration. _Ugh, just stop looking at me already!_

James continued to stay in the boat as Kendall, Logan, and Katie took their turns. He, in turn, just watched the water as they went around and around. Every now and then, as they slowed down, he could see some fish moving through the water and reached his hand out, trying to touch them. But of course, they moved away as soon as he got close.

All of a sudden a strange image popped into his head. He was about six and he was in the water, he was drowning. (Which was odd because James was a really good swimmer, his dad made sure that he knew how to swim way before anyone else his age knew how to.) No, he wasn't drowning really, but he was struggling, really hard, to reach the surface. But there was something holding him down. His legs weren't caught; they were thrashing in the water, trying to get him to the surface.

"Hey James, it's your turn." Katie stated, lightly rubbing James' arm.

"Hold on," James replied, shaking his head in frustration. _I have to remember this, what happened?_

James thought as hard as he could, focusing on the image that had popped into his head. It was almost like he was living it again. He could feel himself struggling to get some air, but he was still being pushed down. He felt something pushing his head down, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

"James?" Katie rubbed his arm again.

"I said hold on!" James whipped his head around, snapping at her. Katie's eyes widened and she took a step back.

"Don't yell at her!" Kendall snapped back as he climbed into the boat, dripping water.

"I didn't yell at her!" James defended himself.

"Yes, you did!" Kendall insisted and waved an arm towards his little sister. "Why do you think that she's looking at you like your head just spun around?"

"Guys," Carlos spoke up as he stood up and pushed them away from each other. "Don't fight; I'm sure that James didn't mean to snap at her." He then put an arm Katie's shoulders and hugged her into his side. "I'm sure that James didn't mean to yell at you, he's just been a little distracted lately."

"No I haven't." James denied weakly.

"Yes you have." Logan stated, standing up as well. Now all of them were standing up, staring at James, making him feel extremely nervous and annoyed. "We've all noticed it."

"So I'm a little stressed out," James stated, scratching his head. "So what? We all get stressed sometimes."

"That's true," Logan replied with a short nod, he then narrowed his eyes. "But we're on vacation, so we shouldn't get stressed."

"What's going on?" Carlos asked, looking like a wounded puppy when James turned away from him. "If there's something going on, you can tell us, we're your best friends."

James made a snorting sound as he looked away. But then he looked back over at Katie, who was still standing at Carlos' side, looking up at James with wide eyes. He could tell that she was really hurt from the way that he had snapped at her. He could see it in her eyes and that look just completely broke his heart. He had always been close to Katie, not just because he thought that she had a crush on him, but since he spend so much time at Kendall's house

_Fuck_ he thought to himself as he ran his fingers through his hair. _I really screwed up this time._

"Hey, who's that?"

Carlos' voice caused him to turn around and look to see where he was pointing. His heart nearly dropped to his feet when he saw his dad standing on the shore of the lake, waving his arms. "It's my dad," he replied a second before jumping into the water and swimming to shore.

"We could have taken you back in the boat!" Logan shouted after him.

_It's better if I go by myself._ James thought as he continued to swim, ignoring the pain in his arms and legs. Even though he had gotten stronger due to dancing and training to be in BTR, he still hadn't swum in a while. _I don't want them to figure out what's going on._

"What's up dad?" James asked as he walked over to his father, shaking his head so water flew out of his face.

"You didn't tell you mother…" Paul swallowed thickly. "About me and Heather did you?"

"So that's her name?" James replied as he raised an eyebrow, watching his dad as he swayed on the spot. "No, I didn't tell mom, I just came straight here."

"Thank you," Paul nodded and gave James what was supposed to be a nice slap on the shoulder, but the blow almost knocked him down. "It's a good thing you listened to me for once."

"Dad," James studied his father's blood-shot eyes for a second. "Are you drunk?"

"No, I'm just buzzed." Paul replied calmly.

"Being buzzed is drunk, Dad." James reminded him. "You're the one that told me that."

"Doesn't be such a smart ass," Paul snapped and grabbed onto the back of James' neck, pushing his fingers down into his pressure points. James' knees started to buckle, but he was able to stay standing. "Why do you always have to go and piss me off?" He raised a hand and moved it towards James' head. James barely caught a glimpse of the car keys that he held in his hand before it hit him on the head.

James was acutely aware of the blood that was running down his forehead as he grabbed onto his father's arm and pulled his hand away before he could get hit again. "Dad, go home and go to sleep. You don't need to be drinking this early in the morning."

"It's the afternoon." Paul corrected.

"Whatever," James turned and shoved his father towards his car. "Just go home and go to sleep. Let mom take care of you."

"Don't tell me what to do!" Paul shouted over his shoulder, but walked to his car anyway.

"James?"

James held onto his forehead, trying to keep the blood from slipping down into his eyes and turned around and started to walk back to Logan's car, hearing the crunching gravel under the tires of his father's car as he left. He was stumbling around a little bit, trying to keep his balance steady, but it wasn't working well. Something was really wrong with his head.

"James?" Kendall walked over to his friend, looking concerned. "We're ready to go, are you done talking to your dad?" He then noticed the blood on James' forehead and his eyes widened. "James, are you-"

"I'm fine." James choked out, trying to move by him.

"James, what's going on?" Kendall asked as he grabbed onto James' shoulders.

James tried to let out an answer, to tell him that everything was perfectly fine. But his legs crumpled underneath him and his vision went dark before he could.

* * *

**A/N: All chapters after this one get longer. (I know I said that before, but it's true now.) Haha. Anyway, not Kendall **_**really**_** knows that something is going on. Now it's up to James whether or not to confirm or deny everything that's going on. I'll update again soon.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	17. Answers

**Chapter Seventeen**

James' eyes fluttered open and he looked around, immediately noticing the metals bars on the side of his bed. He continued to look around, only moving his eyes, as his head wouldn't move an inch without setting of explosions of pain that shot towards his forehead.

James groaned and held onto his forehead, where he felt a gauze pad. He lightly rubbed the edges of the cotton and flopped back against the pillows that propped him up. _What the hell happened_? He asked himself as he shielded his face from the lights above him.

"You're in the hospital if you couldn't figure that out."

James looked to the side and saw Kendall, Logan, and Carlos standing by his bed. Kendall and Logan looked grim as they stood next to each other, but Carlos looked like he was extremely anxious. That wasn't surprising; he always freaked out when it came to hospitals, doctors, and medicine. It made sense since he was almost constantly there when he was young before he got his helmet. He was on a first name basis with the hospital staff because they could easily recognize his face.

"I figured." James replied quietly, realizing that his throat was dry.

"Your mom and dad are here." Logan added.

"Together?" James blurted before he could say anything else. Eh, it didn't really matter anymore. "That's a shock, they can't seem to stand being around each other anymore."

"Does that surprise you really?" Carlos blurted out as he drummed his hands on the side of James' bed. "I mean, your mom is like, the scariest lady on the planet. Even Katie is cared of her and that's saying something since she is not afraid of anything. Did I ever tell you about the time when-"

"Carlos, not now." Kendall stated to his friend and then looked down at James sharply. "Well, your mom and dad are waiting outside to console you or whatever," he scratched his eyebrow. "But the rest of us asked them if we could talk to you first. So I'll explain what happened. After you basically collapsed, we drove you to the hospital and you've been here for the past five hours."

"Well, what did the doctor-"

"We told them that you fell and smacked your head against a rock," Logan interrupted and his eyebrows twitched a little. "But we're not exactly sure what happened. All we know is that you were talking to your dad, started talking to Kendall, noticed the blood on your head, and you passed out."

"Honestly, I don't even know how I got hurt on my forehead," James hated how his lies were continuously coming out easier and easier, no matter how bad they sounded. He could tell from the look on Kendall, Logan, and Carlos' faces that they didn't believe him for a second. "Maybe something on dad's coat scratched me forehead or somethi-"

"Seriously, James, knock it off with the lying!" Logan snapped. "We know that your dad has been doing something to you, but you've just been too stupid to think that we wouldn't notice and wanted to hide the whole thing." He took a deep breath, obviously calming himself down before he started to yell and draw attention. "We're your friends; we know when something is bothering someone and we won't stop bugging you until we figure out what it is."

"James," Kendall spoke so seriously that James couldn't help but look over at him. "I'm only going to ask you this question once and I want you to answer me truthfully. And if you don't, I'll never forgive you for the rest of my life." He raised his eyebrows, waiting for an answer.

James nodded slowly.

"Is your dad hitting you?"

_How could he possibly know that? _James' mind raced with thoughts of panic. _They've never seen him do it; I haven't been around them long enough for them to even become suspicious of it. But they must have seen something, even when I was so careful. Do they know about my dad cheating on my mom as well? What would they do if they knew about that?_

A single tear ran down James' cheek, and he sucked in a shuddering breath before he nodded slowly. Kendall nodded back, Logan let out a curse, and if it was possible, Carlos looked even more forlorn. When he saw the tear run down James' cheek, he reached out and wiped it off before rubbing at his eyes himself.

"How did you know?" James finally managed to ask.

Kendall let out a huge breath of air and Logan gently patted him on the shoulder. "Because my dad hit me too." He replied quietly. "Before he left I mean. I don't know why he did, but whenever mom wasn't around, he always smacked me around. I made absolutely sure that he wouldn't hit Katie and took all of her beating for me. I was so scared of him and mom started to notice, and I wasn't sure if she knew why. But one day he threatened to kill me and Katie and I was so scared so I told my mom." He shrugged again. "He left shortly after that."

"How come the rest of us didn't know?" James asked as he narrowed his eyes a little. "You acted like you were perfectly fine."

"So did you." Logan reminded him. "And I was the only one that knew that Kendall's dad was hitting him because I saw it once when I was going over to his house to play, but I never said anything to my mom or dad. I talked to Kendall about it, not sure what was really going on, and that was only a few weeks before his dad left." He licked his lips; James noticed that he did that a lot when he wasn't sure what to say. "So when we noticed that you started to act the same way that Kendall was when he was getting hit, we figured that that was the only reason that you were acting so funny."

"Which is why you tried to force me to talk to you." James realized as he looked over at Kendall.

"Exactly."

"I may have pushed you too hard," Kendall admitted. "But I was worried about one of my best buds and you know that I won't let anyone do anything to you guys. Not if I can help it."

"So," James swallowed thickly. "What's going to happen now?"

"Well, your mom and dad are going to come in here soon," Logan replied. "But for your dad, there are two things that you can do. You can either call the police or just move out of his house."

"Well," James decided to just completely come out with the truth now. "My dad sort of kicked me out of my house. Up until I started to stay at Kendall's house, I was sleeping in the park. So when I knew that it wasn't a good idea to be out there myself, I opted to stay at Kendall's." He kept his eyes away from his friends. "I lied, saying that my mom and dad were visiting some relatives so no one would catch on."

"There's something else isn't there?" Carlos asked, speaking up again. He had been watching the three of them for the past few minutes just thinking about what happened. He couldn't believe that his friend was getting hit and was hiding it so well. _It makes me wonder if there's anything else about my friends that I don't know. How could Logan know about Kendall getting hit and not tell me or James? I guess it's just because he wanted to keep him safe, and we were young, so we probably wouldn't understand it either._

"Yeah," James nodded. "My dad is cheating on my mom and I don't know how to tell her. She thinks that I'm staying with you guys to work on some music stuff, so my dad hasn't told her that he kicked me out and I want it to stay that way."

"But James-"

"It would kill her if she knew that he kicked me out, since she loves my dad so much and allowed him to hit me so many times." Frustrated tears gathered in James' eyes. "She watched him hit me and emotionally and verbally abuse me and she did nothing."

"But if you dad is cheating on your mom-"

"He told me that if I told her he would kill me." James stated and then shrugged. "Well, not exactly, but I think that's what he meant."

"James, whatever you decide to do, we'll back you up on it," Logan stated and rubbed James' shoulder. "Even if we don't think it's a good idea or if we wouldn't make that decision ourselves. We're going to back you up on it."

"And we also decided that every week you'll come stay at someone else's house." Carlos added with a grin. "Like this week you'll stay at Kendall's, then Logan's, then mine."

"As long as you don't try to make the bed while I'm still in it." James replied, mustering up a smile.

"Deal." Carlos replied with a grin. He then leaned over and gave James a very gentle hug. He looked over his shoulder. "Your mom and dad are going to come in soon; do you want us to stay?"

"Nah," James shook his head, suddenly feeling drained of energy. "He won't do anything while mom is in here, I'll be fine."

"Alright." Logan gave a short wave and his friends hurried out of the room.

James pulled himself up until he was sitting up and ran his hands through his hair, trying not to let out a scream of frustration. Everything was falling apart around him and he didn't know what to do to make it better. Ever decision he made seemed to just keep making things worse and worse and he didn't know what to do about it anymore. James slowly moved an arm away from his head and looked at the cut across his wrist. He lightly ran his fingers over it and let out another sigh as his headache came back.

One thing he knew for sure was that one way or another, he was going to make everything better.

If only he knew how…

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews and favorites and alerts guys. You guys are the ones that are keeping me going with this fic. (Even though I would continue to write it even if no one reviewed.) But thanks for the continuous support. I'll update again soon, I'm sure you guys didn't like how this chapter went (haha) but I'm sure that you loved it at the same time. :D**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	18. Breaking Down

**Chapter Eighteen**

James watched as Kendall, Katie, and Mrs. Knight moved James' things into Kendall's room. They said that they didn't want James to help, just in case he got lightheaded and passed out again. The cut on his forehead wasn't bad, but it was still bad enough so that he could pass out if he strained too hard. So there he was, confined to the couch, not being able to at least make himself useful.

It was really hard for James to watch them as they moved things together, talking and laughing as if James wasn't there. It was just a reminder that his life was falling apart while theirs was just getting better and better. Even though he now knew that Kendall's father had done the same thing to him that James' did to James, it didn't change anything. Kendall, even while that was happening, acted the same way that he always acted, putting other before him.

And what did James do? He just kept secrets, told lies, and caused his friends to get mad at him. It wasn't fair. And now he wasn't sure what to say to his mom. He could tell on his friends' faces that he should tell his mother what his dad was doing, because she had the right to know. But James knew that it would just cause everything to fall apart even more than it already did. He could already see the look on his mother's face when she found out.

Her eyes would blaze with anger, her mouth would drop open, she would cross her arms over her chest and she would.

"James?" All of a sudden Kendall was standing in front of him. "What's wrong? You look a little pale."

"I think I'm going to be sick," James managed to mumble before running towards the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He went over to the toilet and held his head over the open bowl, waiting for the nausea to pass.

When he didn't throw up, he lifted himself up onto the toilet seat (after putting the lid down) and put his head in his hands. He stayed there for a few moments and without realizing it, he had reached into the cabinet under the sink and had taken out a razor.

He smashed the simple women's razor blade with a huge soap bottle on the carpeted floor of the bathroom. The top crumpled off. Two long blades sat waiting for him. He took them. Sitting on the toilet, he sat in a fetal position. He took the blade and sliced, right left, right left, on his left arm until the blood oozed around the blade.

But real anger, sorrow comes, and he started cutting horizontally up his wrist on his right arm.

_How can I hide these?_ The thought crossed James' mind only a second later and he frowned, resisting the urge to cry as he watched the blood fall down his arm.

"James?" James lifted his head so fast that he wouldn't be surprised if he gave himself whiplash. "James are you ok?" It was Mrs. Knight and she was lightly knocking on the door. "You've been in there for twenty minutes, sweetie. Are you ok?"

"Uh," James quickly tossed the razor into the sink and turned on the faucet, the blood washing down the sink. "Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine." James replied and moved his arm underneath the spray of the water, wincing as his cuts stung.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Who knew that one word, one little word like that could be one of the biggest lies that James could tell.

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry that this is another short chapter, I couldn't really figure out what I wanted to put in between the last chapter and the next one, and there had to be something there, so this is it. As you can see, James is still feeling guilty about his mom and his dad. So, yeah, things aren't that great with James. I'll update again soon.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	19. Brooke

**Chapter Nineteen**

Brooke hiked her purse up her shoulder and rubbed her temples as she walked up the driveway to her house. She had had a bad day at work; she was so worried about James that she couldn't get much done. Seeing him in the hospital had really shaken her, her only son lying there so quiet, not like him at all.

When she had gotten the call that he was in the hospital after having fallen and hit his head on a rock, she went flying out of the office so fast she had almost left her shoes behind. She wanted him to go back home, instead of staying over at Kendall's house, but Kendall had insisted that he stayed there, just so he didn't have to worry about the stress on his body, having to keep getting up and moving from house to house whenever they needed to something done. Now Brooke Diamond was never one to let anyone, let alone a teenager, talk her into something that she didn't want. But whether James knew it or not, everything she did (wanting him to work at the cosmetics company) was all for him and she just wanted him to be happy. Even if didn't see how it was going to help him, she was going to keep trying until he saw it.

The only problem with that was that she hadn't been investing a lot of time into her relationship with her husband and she knew that it was starting to take a toll on their marriage. When she used to take those spontaneous trips on the back of his motorcycle, she now passed it up to get work done. When he tried to give her a romantic dinner just to calm down, there would be something that got in the way, or she was just too tired to do it. But that had changed over the last few years, not he had a short temper, didn't want to have anything to do with her, and would sometimes just put her down to the point that she wanted to slap him across the face and scream at him until her voice went away. But that wasn't an option, she had been slapped so many times that she knew it would be better just to talk about it. He had lost his temper a few times and had hit her, yes, she would admit that, but Paul would immediately break down and apologize for it, and everything was alright again. So that's why she didn't worry when he hit James.

Unfortunately as they moved on from their happy years and continued to live their separate lives while trying to raise James, things changed. Brooke knew that there was a problem with their marriage and even if Paul didn't notice it, she was going to try to fix it.

Brooke let out another sigh as she opened the door to her house and went inside, dropping her purse by the front door as well as lightly kicking off her shoes. She went into the living room and saw Paul sitting on the couch, drinking a beer and watching some sports channel.

_Of course_ Brooke thought to herself as she lightly rolled her eyes. _He works in the morning so in the afternoon all you'll see him do is just sit on his ass drinking beer waiting for me to get dinner finished._

But she didn't dare say that out loud. Instead, she opted to curl up next to him and rest her head on his shoulder. "How was your day, honey?" she asked.

"It was fine," Paul grunted in reply, taking another swig of beer. "I went and visited James, he seems to be doing fine." He shifted uncomfortably, subtly moving Brooke from his shoulder.

"That's nice," Brooke smiled a little. "It's good to see that he's doing better."

"Yeah," Paul then suddenly turned to face her. "I don't think he should hang out with his friends anymore." He commented. Brooke raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. "They aren't doing much to help him, the band that they're in isn't doing anything to help his attitude either. He doesn't help around the house, and he's always running off to do who knows what. And then they went up to the lake with Katie, four teenage boys and one little girl?" He snorted. "Who thinks that _that_ is a good idea? And the next thing we know, he comes back with a gaping hole in his head.

If James were there, he would have screamed at his father so hard his throat would immediately go raw. Because Paul was drunk he didn't remember that it had been him that had taken his car keys and hit James in the head so hard that he had almost immediately been knocked out as well as received a gash on his forehead. Paul had driven home, barely staying in his lane, and made it home, crashing into his bed to go to sleep. It had been only twenty minutes later that he had gotten the phone call from the hospital, getting one from Brooke afterwards and the two rushed to the hotel to check on their son.

But now, here he was spouting out this nonsense…

"But Paul, those boys have always been there for each other, you can't get them to stay apart now." Brooke shook her head. "You know how they've been inseparable ever since Kevin left Kacy." She lowered her voice. "I think we all knew that Kevin was hitting Kendall and-"

"It's not hitting, its discipline." Paul interrupted.

Brook got to her feet. "So you're telling me that every time that I had made you angry and you would slap me across the face that you were trying to discipline me?" She asked, eyes widening in shock. "And that time that you hit James when he had just arrived back home, that was discipline?"

"He was talking back to me, Brooke." Paul replied, still sitting on the couch, but now he was looking back over at the TV.

"But that doesn't mean that you have to-"

"Brooke, just shut up for a second!" Paul got to his feet as well and towered over his wife. "Every time that I had hid you or our son was for you to understand that I won't have you talk to me a certain way. Kevin was a monster that hit his kids because he had some sort of amusement out of it." His eyes were flashing with rage.

"You can't tell me to shut u-"

"I'm your husband; I can do what I want." Paul moved forward and grabbed onto Brooke's shoulders, gripping them so hard that she heard her bones creak. "And no one can tell me otherwise."

"Alright, I'll drop it." Brooke managed to move Paul's hands from her shoulders. "I'll have dinner ready soon." She added.

"You better." Paul replied and turned on his heel and headed towards the stairs.

As he was leaving the room Brooke could almost swear she heard Paul say "don't make me kick you out, too."

* * *

**A/N: I needed to have a chapter that centered on Brooke and her relationship with Paul, so here it is. Keep in mind that Paul had told her that James was staying at Kendall's house to work on their band, not that he had kicked him out, just in case anyone one was confused. Now, this story is going to have 30 chapters, just like Live and Let Live did, so the story only has 11 chapters left. I can't believe it flew by that fast. But I'm glad that you guys are enjoying it. I'll update again soon.**

**PS – I know that Mrs. Knight's name was revealed to be Jennifer, but I like her name being Kacy because of the 'K' theme.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riley**


	20. Logan

**Chapter Twenty**

Does James really think that I'm that stupid to not notice the scars on his arms?

Apparently he does or he wouldn't keep making up lies. I mean, I'm not considered the smart one for nothing. I had noticed the first scar on his wrist that day that we had gone out on the boat and his dad had attacked him. That was probably a month ago now, and he still can't tell us the truth. I mean, all of the signs of abuse and depression are there.

He doesn't talk to us as much. He kept making up excuses whenever he would get bruises. He likes to be alone; he looks like he's scared all the time. He's extremely jumpy. He doesn't like to do a lot of stuff anymore, and he always seems to be running for the bathroom and stays in there for a long time. I know that he's cutting himself then, because he always comes out, avoiding our gazes and pulling at his sleeves. Oh yeah and he's been wearing long sleeves like crazy, now that's not that weird since we live in Minnesota, but when you're at home, you can wear short sleeves…and he doesn't.

Come on James, it's me, Logan, if you think that I can't figure out when something is wrong, then you must think that I'm pretty stupid. It hurts enough that you won't tell me, but to treat me like I'm stupid…

If you don't tell everyone everything that's going on soon…I will James.

Trust me, you can't stop me on this decision, no matter how hard you might try.

* * *

**A/N: Alright, a chapter centered on Logan's thoughts about what's going on with James. The next two chapters have to do with Carlos' and Kendall's thoughts on James. Meaning that the last eight chapters have to do with James' breaking down and getting better.**

**Only ten chapters left to go guys. But I still need help on something, because of Rockport268 I have an idea for Carlos' story, but have no title. But with Logan's story, I have a title but no idea. All help will be grateful.**

**Thanks,**

**Riles**


	21. Kendall

**Chapter Twenty-One**

_My back slammed against the wall of my bedroom, and I was pinned against it. I kept my eyes closed tightly, not caring to see the sight I'd seen a thousand times before._

_After a brief pause to make sure I wasn't about to try anything stupid, his left hand released my arm, and with lightning speed, re-adjusted its position at my throat. His right hand remained in place._

_"I asked you a question," he hissed – cold fury replacing his prior violent rage. His face was closer to mine, now, confident that he was in control. His breath stank of stale alcohol and a smoke that I could not identify, but knew well all the same._

_The pressure at my throat made it hard to summon my voice, but knowing it would only worsen if I were not to reply, I strived to speak._

_"Yes," I choked, affirming I was listening. His breathing slowed a little, pleased I wasn't defying his self-declared authority. He was a narcissist – it would have seemed to him a ridiculous prospect for me to try such a thing._

_"Good," he snarled, loosening his grip slightly; I drew in a gasping breath._

_And then it was worse than ever – his hands pressing against my throat and shoulder, heavier than concrete, unrelenting. I twisted my left arm up and grasped his right wrist, trying to break its hold frantically. My right flew to the one at my throat._

_I could feel the lack of oxygen dizzy me, throat burning and lungs constricting. I tried to scream, but my voice wasn't present. I kept my eyes closed. No doubt he would have the same look of fierce triumph, the same winning sneer._

_I couldn't bear it much longer. I needed air. My head spun; I forgot where I was, and what was happening…_

_But then my breaths – though raw and desperate – were hurrying in and out of my throat again. I clutched at my neck, ignoring the soreness that made me want to scream._

_When I opened my eyes, he was gone._

See James, I know what you're going through. But you know what I did differently? I let you in, I told you how things were going with Katie, my mom, and me after my dad left, after the abuse had stopped. Now why can't you do the same thing for me? Don't act like I haven't seen the cuts on your wrists. I'm not blind. I'm not stupid. I've been there. Sure I haven't cut, but I've been in your position, I know what it feels like to think that everything is going completely wrong and that there's nothing that you can do.

But there _is_ something you can do. You can reach out me, Carlos, and Logan. I can't help you; I can't even force you to get help, until you've shown that you want help. I'm not abandoning you James and I never will, I hope you know that.

Please…let us help…

* * *

**A/N: And now Kendall's thoughts about everything. The next chapter has Carlos' thoughts and all of the chapters after that towards the end of the story is how everything comes to a head and causes James to finally and completely break down. Thanks for the review guys, I'll update again soon.**


	22. Carlos

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

I know that you guys think that I don't understand as many things that you do because of the way I act. But haven't you ever thought that it was just that, an act? Do you honestly think that I'm actually that stupid? No. I just like living where I seem to be blissfully unaware of things that are going on, because I don't like it when people fight.

But don't think that I don't understand what's going on at all.

I understand.

I understand that your dad was hurting you James. I understand that you don't know what to do about your dad cheating on your mom. I understand all of that and how confused you're feeling of what to do or not to do. But what I don't understand is how you think that I wouldn't want to know what's going on with you. I don't understand how you think that I don't know about you cutting yourself. I may act like I don't know a lot of things that are common sense, but I'm tired of being left out. I mean, I was the last one to figure out about Kendall's dad, and now I'm one of the last ones to find out about this.

But this isn't about me; it's about you, James.

And I'm going to do everything I have to, to protect you.

Even give up my corndogs.

* * *

**A/N: Alright, Carlos' part is done. Things pick up in the next eight chapters and then this story is over. I'll update as soon as I can, but I can't promise anything since its summer and I tend to be lazy over the summer.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	23. What have you done?

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

It was raining when James Diamond tried to commit suicide.

He stared out the window of Logan's living room window (since it was his week to stay there) and watched the rain fall, his eyes flickering to the doorway and then back out the window again. His fingers were twisting in his lap frantically. His breaths were coming out shallow and his head spun.

He knew he was having a panic attack; he had started getting those a lot lately and knew that it only happened when he felt that he needed to cut himself. James turned his wrists over and looked at the numerous scars that lined up his wrist. He felt bad, and it wasn't only because he was hurting himself, but because he was also hurting his friends. He could tell that they knew what he was doing, but he knew that he couldn't tell them.

It would just cause too many problems.

James got to his feet and went upstairs to the bathroom. As he went, it seemed that his body was moving on its own, as if it knew what it was doing before James knew what was going on. Soon, he found himself in the bathroom, the door locked behind him and the medicine cabinet open. He grabbed a prescription pill bottle and popped off the top.

He didn't think about anything, he tilted his head back and allowed the pills to slide down his throat. His throat was dry so it took a moment to get down. James' hands shook as he ran them through his hair. He looked at his reflection and would have laughed if he felt like he could. His hair was messed up and his skin was pale as well as his eyes looking hollow with dark circles under his eyes.

Things were starting to get heavy and his arms and legs tingled with numbness, but he still reached into the medicine cabinet and pulled out a razor blade.

There was a knock on the door and a worried call.

The person at the door knocked again, even louder than before, and called out his name.

It was Logan.

Of course.

"Go away!" James shouted back, his body shaking. "...What do you want? I'm _busy._"

"James, open the door!" Logan cried, already sounding worried as he rattled the doorknob. "Come on, we can talk."

The effects were more noticeable now. His vision was blurring, and he barely had the strength to keep himself up anymore. James had tried to grab onto the counter, but he was losing his balance. At the same time he managed to give himself another cut on his arm. But soon his body hit the ground.

"_James!_" Logan called frantically, hearing the thud of his body as it hit the floor.

The door burst open without much force and Logan flew into the room. A gasp escaped his lips as he saw James's unmoving figure lying on the ground.

"_What have you __**done**__?_"

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was going to come up eventually and it took me FOREVER to write it in a way that I actually liked. Of course the guys won't take this very well. I hope that you like it (and that you don't hate me for waiting so long for an update) and I'll update gain soon.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	24. Who's to blame?

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

**-Carlos' Pov-**

How come whenever you feel that everything is going fine, something bad always happens to knock you off your feet? There I was, in my living room eating corn dogs and watching TV, when the phone rings. I knew it was Kendall, Logan, or James, they were the only ones that called when American Gladiators was on if we weren't watching it together, we liked t comment on everything about what happens.

Usually comments that say how it's fake and a show that sucks, but we like to watch it anyway.

"Hello?" I answer, wishing that the conversation would be a short one so I can go back to my corndogs.

"Hello is this Carlos Garcia?" a male voice asks. In the background I hear frenzied voices, and my stomach is in knots instantly.

"Yes, this is him. Who's calling?" I reply, confused, the nauseated feeling intensifying.

"I am Officer Damon Clay. I'm afraid that I have some bad news for you," the officer pauses, for a second, and I brace myself for the worst. "James Diamond, who I know is a really close friend of yours, has been involved in…an accident. He's breathing on his own, but his state is still very critical. We are transporting him to St. Paul Hospital at this moment."

I slammed the phone down on the receiver and stared at the wall in shock. All of a sudden I burst, I screamed, I cried, tears fell down my face. Thoughts raced through my head. _What happened to him? Was it his dad? Did he do something really bad to him? What about Logan, why didn't he call me? Was he the one that found James? What about Kendall, how is he doing?_

As those thoughts raced through my head, I turned to the stairs and did the only thing I could think of. I screamed for my mom.

* * *

**-Kendall's POV-**

* * *

I ran to my closet and pull on some clothes, tearing my pajamas off of my body. This was one of my best friend's, one of my brother's, life on the line. He was one of the few who understood me and stood by me in times of difficulty, and this time, he was the one in trouble, and the only thing that I could do to help was to just be there. Mom and Katie had a vague idea of what happened, I don't know how I was able to explain it to them as I was flying around, trying not to lose it completely. But mom calmed me down enough to coax me into getting changed and getting into the car so we could drive to the hospital. And, honestly, I was surprised that I was able to do that as I was in a complete daze.

Minutes later, we drove into the parking lot of St. Paul Hospital and park in the first empty place mom sees. I am through the front door instantly, despite our car being in one of the last rows, and asking the nurse which room is James'. She points to the left and gives me the number of the room, Emergency Room 64. I head off in that direction, keeping my attention on the numbers on the door rather than the various people walking through the hall.

Trough the haze of tears in my eyes, I see Logan and Carlos. I immediately grabbed both of them in a hug and we held onto each other, crying and wondering what was going on with our friend and wondering what we could have done to make sure this didn't happen.

Behind them were Mr. and Mrs. Garcia and Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell. I saw Mrs. Diamond, but I didn't see Mr. Diamond anywhere. I figured that was a good thing, because if he was there, I would kill him for what he did to James. Even if he didn't actually land James in the hospital literally, it was still his fault.

Finally, after we were able to calm down, Logan, Carlos, and I approached James' room hoping for the best and fearing for the worst. My heart pauses when I see the room. Its door is closed, so I figure it would be better to take a seat than to wonder inside the room. As I sat down in one of the plastic chairs, I allowed Katie to sit on my lap and grab my hand. She hadn't done that in a long time, but I could tell from the way that her hands shook that she was just as wrecked as we were. It made me wonder if she knew what was going on with James as well and as an afterthought I wondered if she remembered our dad hitting me instead of her.

She was young but she wasn't stupid. But I didn't want to ask, I was just glad to have her with me and my mom.

A few seconds later, a doctor comes from the room.

"Hello." He greets everyone, slightly taken aback at the sight of everyone that was there waiting for the news. "Dr. Bradford." He holds out his hand and extends it to each of us. Somehow, I find the strength to lift my own and shake hands with him. "I'm afraid that I don't have great news." He quickly took back his sentence when he saw the look on Mrs. Diamond's face. "No, I'm sorry, he's not in any danger, not anymore, thanks to this young man," he motioned over to Logan, who nodded. "But it seems to me that your son seems to have sustained some physical injuries recently…"

As he continued to tell Mrs. Diamond about James' scars, bruises, and possible broken bones that hadn't healed correctly, I bowed my head, resting my forehead against Katie's upper back, making sure that I didn't look at Logan or Carlos.

We had known what Mr. Diamond had been doing to James and we didn't tell.

It was all our fault….

* * *

**A/N: So now James is in the hospital and now they want to know why. Only 6 chapters left and they're all going to be dramatic ones. I'm sooooooooo sorry it took me so long to update. I've been so busy with stuff this summer and I've continuously been distracted. But I'm back and I'll update again soon. (Maybe tomorrow to make up for all of the times I hadn't updated.)**

**Hope you guys are having a great summer**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	25. James

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

**-James' POV-**

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock._

The clock on the wall was driving me crazy, well actually, it couldn't.

I was already crazy.

_Clip. Clop. Clip. Clop._

The heel of the guard's shiny black shoes clicked on the floor as he paced my room. He checked his watch, looked at me, checked my drawers and under my pillow, my bedside table and my wrists, and continued pacing.

_Cliptick, cloptock, cliptick, cloptock._

'_Those damn shoes and that fucking clock. They make me want to kill myself.' _I thought to myself and gave a wry smile at the thought. How ironic. Just because I did something that other people wouldn't do, I was stuck in this room and basically couldn't do anything like a normal person would. They're freaking out about nothing. '_Well, I guess that's why the guard was still here. I don't really need the 24 hour watch, just take out all of the pointy, sharp things, medications and anything long enough to hang myself with and we're golden._ _Just please, __anything__to get this judgmental idiot out of my face.'_

He sighed. Ugh, I could tell that he wanted to talk to me, and that was the LAST thing I needed. Since I could hear my friends talking to me and sending me comforting words while I was asleep, I didn't need to hear his harsh ones while I was awake.

"You know…that was a really stupid move you did kid."

'_Oh really? Well, you're killing yourself every time you start stuffing your __fat face__ full of doughnuts and, well, any available food_.' And there was my judgmental self again, always caring about people's appearances. '_Have you ever gone to a gym before?_'

He sat in the chair across from me, still talking. For an hour he sat and talked a hole in my head. A gaping hole. Finally his shift was up, and he rose from the chair and patted my leg.

"Nice chatting with ya, kid."

I rolled my eyes and turned over, drifting off to sleep.

It wasn't much longer that I woke up in a cold sweat, and the guard looked at me, shaking his head in a manner that conveyed, 'what a waste' and said as if I were a prisoner in the county jail, "Back to sleep. It's midnight."

I looked over and saw a bouquet of flowers along with cards, candy, and teddy bears. I could see my friends' signatures on them, and a few splotches of tears, probably from my mom. I just rolled back to my other side and glared at the wall.

They were making a big deal about nothing.

* * *

**A/N: And James doesn't get why everyone is freaking out so much, I know that some people that have tried committing suicide (and failed) think/feel this way, so I thought why not put it in this chapter.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	26. Brooke takes a stand

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

Brooke's heart broke with the sight of the thong.

The piece of black silk sat on the white sheets on her bed. A bra of the same material sat beside it. They looked fresh, but Brooke did not even want to touch them with a 20 foot stick. Her purse slid from her hand and fell to the floor.

She was suddenly overwhelmed with nausea and dread. Brooke sat down on the edge of the bed. It was obvious that this person wasn't a guest. Paul, her husband, had brought a woman into their home, into her bed.

He had slept with her!

Brooke looked into the closet on her side and saw three unfamiliar dresses hanging on the rack. She cried. It had not even been a one night stand. Who knows how long they have been there! She's been so busy she was barely at the house. But a lot of things were starting to make sense.

Brooke ran her hand through the short length of her dark brown hair.

"What am I going to do?" she asked herself sitting down on the brown leather sofa.

Anger, confusion, and shock coursed through her body. It made sense as to why Paul had been pushing her away, and it also made sense as to why he was always belittling her for almost everything she did. Around him, she couldn't do anything right, so he apparently went out and did what he wanted to do to at least feel like something was going his way. He was such a coward! Such a child! He even went and hit his kid!

Brooke nearly burst into tears at that, all of the times that Paul had hit her son and she did nothing to help him, because she thought that she had done something to make him mad and was taking it out on James. Now he was in the hospital…under suicide watch and Brooke could almost tell that it was because of Paul.

_How could I believe him? After all the lies he told? Was he telling the truth when he said that James was working on his music and stuff while staying at the other guys' house or was he just saying that to hide his lies? _The thoughts raced through Brooke's mind as she shook her head frantically.

Brooke glanced over at the clock. He would be home in fifteen minutes. Suddenly, she got an idea. Brooke went over to the closet and pulled the door open with a flourish. She walked to his side, and pulled down anything she could grab from his side and threw them on the floor. When the right side of the closet was completely bare, Brooke walked into the bedroom and picked up everything she could grab and walked to the bathroom to throw them haphazardly into the tub. It took her two trips to pick up everything.

She then turned the water on, letting it soak all of the clothes. She left it running and walked to the kitchen to the small alcove that held the washer and dryer. She pulled the nearly full bottle of bleach off the shelf above the dryer, grabbed a broom, and walked back to the bathroom. She went back to the bathroom, opened a window, opened the bottle of bleach, and dumped the bottle into the tub. Then grabbing the broom, she started to stir the clothes in the bathtub.

Brooke heard the key in the front door. She knew that Paul was home by his heavy footfalls through the living room to the kitchen. He was following his usual routine, she guessed. He did not want her to suspect he had had another woman in their home, she thought.

"Hey babe, I'm home," he called from the kitchen.

Brooke did not answer as she looked down at the clothes in the tub. Most were beginning to turn pale yellow or completely white. She then heard his footsteps moving to the bedroom.

"How was your da-…What the _hell_ are you doing?" Paul yelled.

Brooke did not say a word. Her eyes fixed on him, and Paul saw the anger in them. She held the broom in front of her, the bristles up near her face. She took the broom in both hands and swung it as hard as she could, catching Paul in the left side of the face. He did not have enough time to react and cover himself.

"You bastard! You brought someone else into our home, into my bed," she yelled. She continued to hit him in any place she could reach with the broom.

"Hey, hey! Stop!" Paul screamed. Paul grabbed the broom handle and wrenched it from her grasp. "Brooke, what the hell are you screaming about?" he yelled into her face.

"Let me go. Don't touch me."

"Now what the hell are you yelling about?" Paul asked again more calmly.

"What am I yelling about? What the hell am I yelling about? You cheated on me. You brought someone into our house," she yelled, her voice rising in volume. She pointed towards the bed.

"What?" Paul asked dumbfounded.

"Whoever she is left her underwear in my bed," Brooke yelled emphasizing each word.

She threw off the bedspread and picked up the thong with her index finger. She put it in Paul's face as evidence. Paul took the underwear from under his nose and looked at it and began smirking. Within seconds, he was in full laughter. His riotous laughter made Brooke confused.

"What're you laughing about?" she screamed.

"How could it have possibly taken you this long to figure that out?" Paul demanded as he continued to laugh gleefully. "I mean, even James figured it out before you could." He paused as he looked thoughtful. "I'm surprised that he hadn't told you about it, to be honest."

"What?" Brooke's anger faded and now sorrow and confusion took its place.

"It's nothing personal," Paul shrugged. "You just don't really satisfy my needs anymore. You never seem to the mood," he then chuckled. "Plus, you aren't that attractive, so what did you expect me to do?"

Brooke shook her head again as she thought about everything that had happened since James got home. He had always seemed skittish around Paul, he wasn't around much lately, she knew that Paul took his anger out on him but didn't do anything about it herself, and now he was in the hospital because he tried to commit suicide. He was on freaking suicide watch and Brooke visited him every day while Paul refused to go, because he said that he hated hospitals, sick people, and death. And then the doctor had pulled her aside and questioned whether or not she knew that someone or something could be abusing her son, leaving physical marks on him. She refused to believe that Paul had gotten that bad, but now she knew it was true.

"Get out." Brooke whispered.

Paul's laughter stopped abruptly. "What?" his smile hadn't faded yet.

"Get out." Brooke replied louder. "Get out! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! You want to have that slut and ignore your wife and son? Then go ahead!" She turned back to the closet and dug around, looking for a bag or a suitcase.

"Wait, Brookie-"

"Pack up your shit and get out!" Brooke cried, turning back around and throwing a suitcase at her former husband. "I'm leaving your ass!"

* * *

**A/N: And now Brooke knows everything that Paul has done as well as finally doing something about the way that he's treated her and her son. I hope that you guys liked the chapter. I'll update again soon.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	27. You're so pathetic!

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

James was aware of the three sets of eyes on him when he rolled over onto his back the next morning. Before he could open his eyes he smelled the distinct smell of a corn dog and knew that it was his friends that were around the bed. Inwardly sighing, James opened his eyes to face his friends, it was the first time that he had been awake, or even bothered to open his eyes, while they were at the hospital. He didn't want to see them, or talk to them the other times that they had visited, since it seemed that they never left the hospital. Knowing them, they've probably been camping out outside his room the whole time. Either way, he knew that he was going to have to face them eventually and not just pretend to be asleep.

"Hey guys," he said, rubbing his eyes. "What' sup?"

"Really?" Logan raised an eyebrow, his jaw clenched so hard that James could see his veins popping in his neck. "Really? After what you've just been through, the first thing that you say to us when you open your mouth is 'what's up?'"

"What's up, doc?" James cracked, shrinking back against his bed. "Is that better?"

"How are you feeling, James?" Carlos asked, in his hands was a giant stuffy-puppy, and he was twisting one of its ears around. "We got you this." He held it out, almost shoving it directly into James' face. "You know, like the ones from the first photo-shoot we ever did together."

"I remember." James smiled as he set the stuffy-puppy aside. "So how are things going with you guys?"

"Oh, not bad, considering Katie's been crying non-stop for the past day," Kendall replied bitterly. Logan elbowed him in the side and Kendall let out a low grunt, shooting him a glare. Logan shot a look back before turning to James, his eyes softening.

"We've been keeping busy until we were allowed to visit you again." Logan replied and then gave a bright smile. "Good new though, we're re-painting the guest room so now you and I can share a room for a while."

James rolled his head until he was looking right into Logan's eyes. "To make sure I don't do anything else, right?"

"More like, to make you feel comfortable." Logan replied, trying to keep his frustration and anger down.

_Why can't everyone just leave me alone_? James thought to himself as an uncomfortable silence filled the room. _Things wouldn't be so tense if they would just let me deal with things my own way. It doesn't help much that Carlos is looking at me like I hit him. I don't need Kendall and Logan mad at me either. I can take care of myself._

"Well, I'm plenty comfortable already so…" James trailed off as another thought hit him and he quickly sat up. "Where're my mom and dad?"

"Your mom is on her way here," Kendall replied slowly. "And your dad is sitting in jail. Apparently he confessed to your mom that he's been hitting you and everything and now she's pressing charges."

"Which means that she also knows that he's been cheating on her." James reasoned. He then shrugged and leaned back against his pillows. "Oh well."

"Oh well?" Kendall repeated, his eyes growing wide and his fists shaking at his side. "You put us through so much grief and now you're acting like you don't give a shit?"

Carlos gasped loudly, backing away from Kendall. He had never seen Kendall this mad before, not even when his father left him. _He's definitely taking this whole thing with James really hard. Probably because he's closer to him out of all of us._

"YOU'RE SO PATHETIC!" Kendall shouted at the top of his lungs. "YOU'RE SO PATHETIC THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE HOW MUCH YOU HURT US!"

"Get out!" James shouted back, pointing towards the door. But he broke down then and there. Tears immediately started to fall down his cheeks. "GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"But that's what you would want isn't it?" Kendall sneered.

"Kendall-"Logan tried to calm his friend down, but Kendall was way past listening to him.

"Shut up, Logie." Kendall viciously pointed a finger in Logan's direction, not taking his eyes off of James, who was glaring back at him. "James needs to hear this!" He moved forward and grabbed onto James' shoulders. "Go ahead and keep pushing everyone away, James! Go ahead, I don't care." He paused for a second. "Ok, that's not exactly true, or I wouldn't be here." He motioned to Carlos and Logan. "_We_ wouldn't be here. But this whole time we have been here, trying to help you, and all you've done is try and figure things out yourself. Well newsflash James, you need help every once in a while."

"I don't need help," James replied quietly, still looking defiantly at Kendall. "I'm fine."

"Is that why you're sitting here in this fucking hospital room?" Kendall replied in the same tone. "With these," he grabbed James' hands and forced his wrists up to his face. "With these fucking cuts up your arm. If you really had things under control you would have gone ahead and killed yourself, but you didn't, because you're scared. Because you don't want to leave your mom and us, your best friends behind, because you know that you need help and that you don't want to die."

"I don't want to die."

"Then why are you on fucking _suicide watch_?"

"…I just wanted attention."

"You wanted atten-"

"What was I supposed to do?" James finally burst out tears falling down his cheeks like a river. Kendall finally took a step back away from his friend. He had finally broken down, and now he knew that he was able to get help for the things that were bothering him. "I was supposed to tell my mom that her husband was cheating on her? That her husband has been hitting me all of these years and making me feel like crap? That I felt like I could amount to nothing because you guys had always gotten there before me. Kendall is the sports star and the leader, Logan is the smartest person on the planet, and Carlos acts like there is nothing wrong with the world. And me," he laughed bitterly. "I'm the guy that wanted to be a famous singer, and now I'm in a band with my three best friends, constantly under the public eye, and being judged all the time."

"And now that I've been kicked out of my house and you guys were so willing to let me live with you to make sure that Dad never got to me, I realized that I don't deserve any of the life that I have. I don't know why I have it, but I don't deserve it. My mom never tried to help me when dad was around, you guys always had your own problems and I didn't want to bug you with mine."

"But that's why we're friends," Logan insisted, taking a step forward. "Best friends. We're supposed to be able to tell each other everything and know that we're always going to be there to help each other."

"I guess I forgot that for a minute there." James admitted. He then grabbed onto the front of his head and let out a scream of frustration. "I screwed up everything, now I'm not going to be able to go home for a while. I'm going to need a shrink and-"

"Your best friends." Carlos added, finally speaking up again. "You're going to need your best friends, and we're going to be here for you ever step of the way.

Despite everything that had been going on, and the feelings of frustration, anger, and despair that still moved through his body, James managed to smile.

* * *

**A/N: And here's chapter 27 to Live and Let Die. Only two chapters left if you don't count the epilogue. Then I'm going to take a small break before doing the Logan and Carlos stories. I still kinda need to decide what to do with Logan, but I'll think of something. I might do his last so I can still think of it. I hope you guys liked this chapter and I'll update soon.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	28. Everything is going to be ok

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

"I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I don't want to die," James repeated over and over to his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Standing just outside the door was one of the security guards that were acting as part of his 24 hour suicide watch. He was talking quietly so he wouldn't hear him. Despite the conversation that he had had with his friends, he still had that small part of him that wished that Logan hadn't come into the bathroom m before he could have passed away. Leave everything behind. But the largest part of him was singing his praises to his friend, because he really didn't want to die. He continued, holding a wet paper towel to his face, whispering the words. (They wouldn't allow him to have a regular towel, just in case he tried to kill himself with it.

It had happened again, another dream of the verbal and physical beating from his father, yelling at him about trivial things like how he forgot to wash the dishes or something.

In his dream he had tried screaming over his father, putting his hands over his ears, blocking his face and upper chest from the blows, anything to keep himself safe, but his father was always one step ahead of him. He was always able to get that last word in, always able to get that one last blow against his face, always able to belittle him. And that was the scariest part of his dreams, the fact that his father was always able to do it. Then James had woken up, muttered that he had to go to the bathroom, and raced inside, barely making it to the toilet before puking his guts up.

Even alone, James still needed to block out some things. He sang a song that he hadn't sang in a while. He sang a Big Time Rush song. He sang Shot In The Dark; This is Our Someday, and Big Time Rush, the song that started it all, just to get the bad thoughts out of his head.

The pills in the cabinet...

Razors...

Death...

'_I don't want to die_.' James thought to himself, shaking his head slowly from side to side. '_I don't want to die at all. My friends! I don't want them to go through a death; it's selfish not to think of them. My family...my mom...I love you, mom._'

Out of his suicidal thoughts, James walked out of her bathroom and to her window, looking out to the world. The security guard moved close behind James, keeping a light hand on the back of his hospital gown. The sun was setting, the sky turning from pink and orange to blue and purple, it was beautiful.

And he smiled.

He smiled because he had a reason to.

The same reasons not to kill himself.

And the same reasons why he should be happy.

And James knew, while he smiled, that everything was going to be ok.

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**A/N: Yep, another short chapter. And if you're disappointed with that, just think that chapters to a book/story are like scenes to a movie, they can be as long or as short as they need to be just to get the point across. Either way, the next chapter and the epilogue will be longer to make up for it. I'll update again soon.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	29. Second Chance

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

James sat down and sighed, leaning his head against the brick wall behind him. Looking around he became painfully aware of the fact that no one had seen him leave. And he was definitely glad for that. Sure, he was with his mom, but now he didn't have to worry about all of those people breathing down his neck.

He had been in the hospital long enough and he was just starting to get used to the hospital food. Which definitely meant that he had been there too long. Even Carlos wouldn't eat the hospital food when he came by, and that was saying something. He had been there so long that doctors, nurses, and many patients knew him by name, the newspapers, tabloids, and paparazzi caught wind of what was going on with him and he needed to have actual security as well as the suicide watch. Plus, the times that he had to go to the 'psych ward' as he called it up on the fifth floor didn't really help his mood either, but he knew that it was for his own good. It was good to finally get out everything that he had been feeling from when he became famous and how he felt before he became famous. Anything to help him ease the pain. Anything to help him feel better and to face things that he had bottled up.

"Are you ready to go, honey?"

James looked up and noticed that his mother had pulled the car around (how she had left the hospital and get the car without him even noticing he wasn't sure) and parked in front of him. She was leaning over, still holding onto the passenger side door that she had opened.

James smiled and got to his feet, grabbing his bag as he went. "Definitely."

He was given a chance to start over, and he wasn't going to pass it up.

**THE END**

* * *

**A/N: Yeah…sorry that this chapter wasn't as long as the last. But I PROMISE that the next chapter (which might be up tomorrow, fingers crossed) will be really long to make up for it. Plus, I feel that it needs to be long because I have a lot to say for the end. (I've had the idea for a while.) Anyway, I hope you guys liked the chapter and I'll update again soon. *Next chapter is the epilogue*  
**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	30. Epilogue

**Chapter Thirty**

They were sitting on his porch when he got home.

Carlos drawing lines on the ground with a piece of bark, Logan was leaning back on his elbows, looking at the sky, and Kendall was looking at his phone.

In the background are the sounds of cars, zooming this way and that, but that's never bothered them. Occasionally some poor driver takes a wrong turn and sweeps slowly along the road, eventually hitting the dead end before they swing a u-turn and tail it back to the entrance of the neighborhood. So, they don't bother to turn and look when they heard the sound of a car coming up the driveway.

At least, not until they heard the car door slam shut and the engine cut off.

Carlos looked up first, dragging his eyes away from the stick in his hand that he's been playing with for the past ten minutes, wondering whether or not he wanted to break it in to. He dropped it to the ground and stood up to give the, obviously lost, driver directions, the words falling off his lips when he saw who it was.

"Dude, what's up?" Kendall asked, turning away from his phone. Logan tilted his head back down as well, when he didn't hear Carlos reply. "Dude?"

Carlos reached down and grabbed Kendall and Logan by the arms and dragged them to their feet, his eyes still wide open. But his mouth, which had dropped down, was now in a full blown grin. He was bouncing on his toes in excitement.

James sat on the side of the bed of his father's truck. (The only thing that Brooke wouldn't let him take), kicking his legs back and forth and grinning as he looked around at the familiar scenery. Well, there wasn't much to scenery; it was just his house and his friends, who were staring at him like a bunch of idiots.

_But that's not new_ James thought to himself with a grin.

"James." Logan finally choked out, starting to smile as well.

"You've changed," James said jokingly as he jumped to the ground.

He didn't even have a moment to register the attack before Carlos swooped in, grabbing him by the waist and swinging him into the air, laughing madly. The moment James touches the ground again, dizzy and laughing just as loud, he found himself grabbed into the clutches of Logan's and Kendall's hug before a group hug came his way.

"James," Carlos was bouncing up and down now. "James, Jimmy, Jim-Jam. You're home! You're home!"

James doesn't know if it's his tears or his friends falling down his face but he didn't care. As the four of them collapse to the grass on the front lawn, wrestling each other, all he really cared about is the fact that the four of them were together again.

Hours later, full of food and warm and sleepy, James sat on the couch, looking over at his three friends that were asleep on the floor. He tilted his head back and smiled towards the ceiling, silently thanking his mom for getting rid of his dad, so everything could go back to normal. He then jerked his head back down, laughing a little when he heard Carlos' loud snore. He missed that, the comforting sounds of his friends around him.

James definitely couldn't see his best friends giving him an even bigger or louder homecoming.

And that was just what he wanted.

**THE END**

* * *

**A/N: Wow, I'm sorry that this chapter wasn't long either. *Cue throwing of tomatoes* How about this, the first chapter of the Carlos story is going to be really long (about 3000 words worth).**

**In that case…**

**That's the last chapter. Of course I'm sad to see this story go, because I have fun writing Jangst (James-angst). I don't know why, but writing angst for him and Kendall I always find to be very entertaining. Anyway, the next two stories that I'm gonna do are ones for Carlos and Logan. Carlos' is title Live and Love and Logan's is titled Live and Learn. I'm going to do Carlos' next (after a brief break of doing the angst stories of the four of them) and then Logan's. Thanks to everyone that read, reviewed, favorite, alerted, and put this story in C2s. Without you guys I wouldn't have been able to get this story done.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


End file.
